Unspeakable Evil

WE DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE.

2010-01-27T12:13:00.001+11:00

http://unspeakableevil.wordpress.com

Feed Proxy 10/01/10

2010-01-10T14:32:00.008+11:00

We all read blogs – as evident by your reading of this blog now. But we don’t all read blogs all the time and we don’t all subscribe to RSS feeds. We do. So, to make it easier for people who don’t, we’ve collected a series of this week's posts from a series of blogs that we follow.
Source: Defamer.

I pity this movie. [Link]
Because I can’t let a dead horse lie, more Avatar. [Link]
L O S T. [Spoilers]

Source: Lifehacker.

Facebook for the iPhone becomes pretty much the best app ever. [Link]
I’m a southpaw. [Link]
Suicide 2.0 [Link]
The fastest selling operating system in history. [Link]

Source: Gizmodo.

Fight censorship. [Link]
Adorable. [Link]
I always knew that Google would take over, eventually. [Link]

Source: Kotaku

Mark Hamill and Luke Skywalker. [Link]
Hahaha. Ha. Ha. Ha. [Link]

Source: Fail Blog.

I really do adore hardcore fanatical Christians. [Link]

Hey folks. This time I bring you: SCIENCE. Aren't we excited? (Sorry, no hoverboards.)

Scanners break child porn laws by being too revealing. Good job guys. [guardian uk]
Technology to control lightning? Man-made Thor, here we come! [popsci]
Convergence of nerdy and jock: Star Trek wetsuits. [wired]
Japan creates really awesome robots. THE FUTURE BEGINS. [the christian science monitor]
Brain-controlled remote control. THE FUTURE BEGINS AND IT IS AWESOME. [marketwatch]
Guy is trying to create conscious/intelligent AI. THE FUTURE BEGINS AND NOW I'M MORE ALARMED THAN EXCITED. [mail online]
'new' theory to the start of the universe. THE PAST IS REVEALED, MAYBE. [discover]
Australian internet censorship plan approved. THE FUTURE SUCKS. [sydney morning herald]
Science discovers explosive white star that has a chance to kill us. THE FUTURE IS DOOMED. [spacedaily]

This week in STUFF: The Fall of Forte Dante.

2010-01-08T19:05:00.004+11:00

So Safeer broke his computer. That smarmy rat bastard. Thinks he’s so smart. Oh, I’ll just break my laptop so that Adam has to do all of the work. There’s a new Speakable Evil – a LOST Special – that I recorded today and now I’m doing Safeer’s job.

You know what I think? I think we should find him and stab him. MY LOYAL FANGIRLS, UNTO ME AND FORWARD WE MARCH FORWARD YON WESTERN SUBURBS, BLADES IN ARMS AND RAGE IN OUR HEARTS WITH SAFEER’S BLOOD READY TO BECOME DRIED UPON OUR VERY SOULS.

Great:

POWER RANGERS. Basically, Disney has started to air a remastered version of the very first season of the 1993 Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. While this reminds me that Power Rangers was on the TV before my sister was born, and that this makes me feel prematurely old even though I’m only nineteen, I’m still pretty excited. Unfortunately, if this video is anything to go by then the reboot is pretty retarded. And by that I of course means that everything that should be remastered is left the same and everything that is remastered is superfluous and unnecessary. But, well, it’s still Power Rangers from when the show was at least trying to produce a coherent narrative so that’s pretty fantastic in my mind. There’s also a fantastic new toyline.

Good:

Disney’s The Princess and the Frog didn’t get released here in Australia until the 1st of January, which was technically last week but shut up man. While I think it’s probably a little better than this category, though not quite worthy of ‘Great’, I’ll put it here. We’ll have more of our thoughts on this film in Episode 6 of Speakable Evil.

I don’t know yet because I haven’t read it yet:

I found Audrey Niffenegger’s second novel Her Fearful Symmetry and then I bought it but I didn’t read it. This is the author person responsible for The Time Traveler’s Wife, so I have high hopes. The novel appears to be about two ~~pretty blonde~~ identical twins. Interesting premise, to say the least. (it also sounds as if it flows logically, because it would be pretty silly if the story had like three identical twins. Sorry Adam, couldn’t help myself :D)

Meh:

Marvel started it’s new Siege crossover. Oh, yay. The tagline is all about this event being seven years in the making. Honestly, I don’t see it. I know that House of M lead into Civil War lead into The Initiative lead into the Secret Invasion lead into Dark Reign and lead into, now, Siege. I know that that, technically, makes the tagline accurate BUT. But I don’t believe for a single minute that anyone at Marvel, during House of M/Civil War went:

“In Seven Years, we’re going to have Loki manipulate Volstagg into blowing up a full sports stadium so that Osborn, who is like more powerful than the President and Nick Fury put together, can declare War on Asgard. Also, even though we haven’t had this idea yet, Asgard is floating somewhere in California.”

I just don’t believe it. I haven’t read it yet, but it started this week with THREE DIFFERENT #1’s. That’s Siege #1, Siege: The Cabal #1 and Siege: Embedded #1. Each, I daresay, asking for $3.99 cover price. That’s practically eight of Australia’s dollars per comic. No thank-you.

The event itself should be pretty fun on some level. I’m hoping that the Sentry will job to Thor (and not the other way around /groan) and I’m hoping that Peter Parker will finally beat the pulp through Norman Osborn.

Crap:

Avatar is the second highest grossing movie ever or something. That means it made more money than Return of the King. Basically, the entire Western World (of cinema) should be ashamed of itself.

Channel 10 is where us Australians who only have commercial television can find Supernatural and Stargate:Universe, except this week 10 decided not to have them on for some reason. Stupid Channel 10, spoiling my Monday of TV. They’re crap.

AMAZING FANTASY.

2010-01-08T01:36:00.003+11:00

So, what we do is we each select a word. I (, Adam) selected miniskirt, because I’m a little bit obsessed. Thank-you, Supergirl. Safeer selected Dragonfly because, I don’t know. He likes Heracross, I guess (actually, it was the first word that popped into my head; absolutely no idea why). Bradley selected Monkey. Because he likes to make things abstract and difficult for us. After that, we create a narrative. Bradley didn’t play and for consistency I wrote in this tiny Calibri font. The bigger font is, therefore, the Safeer.

Monkey, Miniskirt, Dragonfly.

Everything is so loud and disgusting and horrible. Everything. Not just some things but every thing. The dull beat of the drums juxtaposed with the frantic screeching of the other instruments hurling their opinions at me through the channel cut through space by these thin gangly unsightly wires plugged from my pocket and into my ears is the only thing that keeps me sane as I walk through this filth.

My clothes are white, at odds with the garb of my tradition, pristine and standing high and arrogant against the stench of conformity. I can see the dirt. Every inch of the dust that coats them. I can feel it, in the air. It becomes full of them. The busy. The drones machine. The system. The condition. The rushing sweat of stink that pools from their pits and streaks into puddles against the concrete; a microscopic ocean that swims around the litter and gum of a billion disgusting moments of another billion disgusting creatures.

I can never wear these clothes again. Their perfect white is contaminated. Ruined. Their sterility turned to morbid revulsion. The beat throbs against my temporal lobe. They're drowned beneath it, lost behind it. The rhythm murders them, furiously. The masses, the sheer unquantifiable masses of human filth, blur and whir around me in a gust of incomprehensible nothing. A white cloth jumps from the nothing, a blow to the soul. Not a mark against it. The same in me in it. It glows, I perceive. The beat is lost to the skirt. The perfect skirt. The perfect legs. Pristine. Gorgeous. White socks, the whole legs covered. Protected. The soul of the girl, the half to mine its other, protected and isolated from the dirt. Upon the frill of the perfect cloth, a glowing etch the colour of the skirt; a dragonfly. A symbol. A declaration of faith.

Then the monkey hurls its shit at my face.

I stifle the urge to scream and bolt like a startled rabbit at the sight of the oversized lump blocking my way, far too close, far too diseased. “Hey prick! When'd they let you out of your bubble?” the brainless monkey continues spewing excrement at me, his only method of communicating. Shit personified, the surroundings glowed white compared to this human garbage. “I'm talking to you, pal. Where've you been, hiding? From an old buddy like me? That's just rude, pal.” I could still see the true glow, growing fainter; She was moving, growing distant. Disgust and desperation clenched itself into a fist. With the element of surprise behind it, my fist flew towards his jaw and landed true.

I plunge into the sea of dirt and filth before me, both to escape and to find. The monkey regains whatever senses he possesses and red-faced, nostrils flared, hunts for me through the muck. My hand feels as though it is burning. I feel like cutting it off, but my priorities are set. I weave through the mass like a ghost through black fog, determined to lose my hunter and keep sight of the girl in white, determined not to touch anything as I go. Through the indifferent faceless figures, the haughty, greedy businessmen walking towards their next crooked deal; through the naive and stupid students seeking their shallow pleasures; through the fat and the ugly and the ignorant people that comprise most of the cells of the diseased organism. But I do not lose sight of my goals.

The symbol of the dragonfly, etched into my brain, guides me true.

The pounding of the drum beat is my ever omnipresent constant; my anchor that keeps me firmly set in my sea of puerile perfection as far away from the filth of reality. This world, this disgusting miasma of perceptible stimuli that the machines wrought by their manufactured condition call real, is not mine. I am removed from it. The racing shrill of the instruments emanating from my pocket into my soul protect me from losing myself to what is real; I remain forever plugged into the unreality in my pocket. I am kept happy by it. I am kept sane by it.

This girl in white. This perfect girl in white. I've seen not her face. I've heard not her voice. I've experienced not her mind. Her face, her voice, her mind; any one thing, if not all, could work to break her illusion of gloriously clean perfection. But yet I dredge. But yet I drudge. But yet I pull, and push, and wade and swim and force myself through the thick barrier of filth. Physical filth. Spiritual filth. Filth of the mind, of the body, of the soul. Human filth. That which I detest for being. The very filling of the reality that I detach from; that I deny and replace with the shrill instruments and their drumming droll. The beat. The rhythm. The world I accept. My reality. I am prepared to let it all go, to release my anchor and to lose my symphonic protection, for this stranger. This stranger whose voice and soul and face I've not heard.

I am edged forward and encouraged by this demon. Its shit stains my perfect clothes. Its words taint my soul, creeping past the buffer of the beat that would see me protected. Their ferocity, their malcontent, force them as whispers the silence the deafening roar of my world. His shit bounces upon my back, past my clothes and behind my skin and up my spine into my mind where its fingers writhe and grip and distort and corrupt. The taint of the world is seeping into me. For this girl. For this girl that I must hear; her soul and her voice and her face. She must be as perfect as that white dragonfly, emblazoned platinum against her white cloth. To lose her, to find her lacking, would be to submit to this demon – to this monkey – that swims with speeds that my wading through the filth fall against with lacklustre.

If I give into the monkey, I give into the real world. I would be lost to my unreality forever. I would be lost. I must find her.

The patch of white stops, and as slowly as it grew smaller, it grows larger. The girl in white has stopped. Perhaps she is lost in the tumultuous chaos that I navigate. Or perhaps it is simply fate, perhaps she can hear my thoughts, echoed across the barriers of communication. The burning in my hand fades away to a dull pinpoint of light, cleansed by the burning light of our bond.

I come closer on the girl on white. My enemy is almost upon me. Three points converge, and I must face my worst fears. Confrontation. The unknown. My mind swirls with doubt and consternation. The shrill screeching of the instruments seem to get louder, somehow heavier, enveloping my mind in painful delirium. Only a few steps lay between me and my destination, the other half of my soul. I have come through a lake of sewage, and I am afraid of a puddle.

With a tremendous effort I wrenched the shrieking snakes from my ears, drowning myself in a flood of droning, deafening, deadening sound. But somehow, while my ears cried out, my eyes could see clearer. I boldly step up to the girl, the dragonfly in white, and gently tap her on the shoulder.

She turns then, and gives a puzzled smile. A smile, white and pure and - “Can I help you?” “Um... actually, my friend wants to talk to you.” Anger turned to puzzlement as I steered my would-be captor towards the girl in white. I slip the wires smoothly back into my ears, returning to the world I had just escaped, and walk briskly into the depths of filth again.

As I walk away from the field of confrontation, the battlefield I had just left, there are no regrets in my mind. The filth envelops me on all sides, and only three thoughts float to the front of my mind: my tainted clothes, which I can no longer wear; the soreness of my hand, one that I must wash thoroughly, over and over again; and the gigantic chunk of broccoli wedged in that girl's teeth.

Feed Proxy 2010

2010-01-03T13:59:00.004+11:00

Weddings! [Link] [Link] [Link to a video I’ve not interest in watching]
I haven’t listened to this yet, but it CAN’T not be awesome. [Link]
Movie Posters turned into Game Posters. [Link]
Forte! [Link]
Hilarious attempt at a proper theft. [Link]

Source: Gizmodo.

*This* is why I love advertising. [Link]
The headline alone is disgusting. I didn’t even read the rest. [Link]
An Image to start 2010 with a Big Smile. [Link]
LOL I GET IT. [Link] [Link]
lol XP. [Link]
Lego Camera [Link]
Take THAT, George Orwell. [Link]
Space. The final frontier. [Link]
The Social Geek Hierarchy. [Link]
NSFW but so very, very, awesome. [Link]
omg thought twitter. [Link]

Source: Lifehacker.

How to start freelancing without quitting your job. [Link]
LEGO. [Link]

Source: Defamer.

The dumbest password compiled by Twitter. [Link]

Source: Fail Blog.

School-time memes. [Link]
SACRILEGE. [Link]

Source: Has Boobs, Reads Comics.

L O S T [Link]

LISTSLISTSLISTS

The 9 Most Controversial Science Stories in 2009 [FOXNews.com]
The Biggest (Scientific) Discoveries in 2009 [USAToday.com]
15 Reasons to Live For The Next Ten Years [io9.com]
Worst Gadgets of the Decade [gizmodo.com]
Eurogamer Readers' Top 50 Games of 2009 [eurogamer.net]
2009 Top 10 Web Games [bontegames.com]
Gamasutra's Top 10 Indie Games [gamasutra.com]
The Best Films of the Decade [suntimes.com/ebert]
The 100 Best Films of the Decade [richardroeper.com]
The 100 Worst Films of the Decade [richardroeper.com]

Other stuff!

Facebook fuels distrust and divorce... Because the users are clinically retarded and don't realise how unprivate it can be. [singleparentgossip.com]
Starship Enterprise that flies underwater. PRETTY COOL GUYS. [makezine.com]
"How do Atheists grapple with Christmas?" [thestar.com]
Avatar is killing the box office. Not only that but it's critically acclaimed, more or less. I have to watch it just to know: WHY? [thenextweb.com]
Someone likes Dexter even more than Vyperchild. Let's hope he doesn't reach this level. [thestar.com]

This Week in STUFF: Many pods are cast.

2010-01-01T17:54:00.009+11:00

Besides the post directly below you, o'er at the youtubes is our shiny New Year's special podcast, which talks about the most memorable things of the last decade. Quite literally, too, because I'm pretty sure there were things we forgot to mention. Nonetheless, it is long and hopefully entertaining, so go checkitout. In other news, the last week has also been an eventful one, but I do have a couple of things to review.

Grrreat:

Cowboy Bebop - Plowed through the whole series verra recently. This show follows the adventures of the ship Bebop and the space bounty hunters therein, exploring the human colonies as well as their own lives. There's a lot I could say about this, one of my most favouritest of Japanese animations.

I could mention how hilarious and fun it can be; And when it's not being that, thoughtful and sombre. I could talk about the great cast of characters, and the growth they all (well, most of them) go through in the span of just 26 episodes. I could talk about how, despite how a lot of the show feels like filler, it's great filler, and it cleverly foreshadows the greater events in the world, giving you insight into the bigger picture and into the past and future of our cast. I could mention the sad ending, sad both for the content and for the fact that I wish there was more.

I don't need to mention the quality animation and art, action and style, and most especially the brilliant American jazz and blues music and art direction. In fact, every episode is named after a song which reflects the episode, eg. Honky Tonk Women, Heavy Metal Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody, Jupiter Jazz, etc. Oh, and of course, the theme song, one of the best among anime. I can't forget to mention one of the greatest dubs in any anime (okay, that's actually not saying much) as I'm usually pretty persistent in sticking with subs. I'd like to mention how much I appreciate the subtlety that this show can sometimes use (and probably, a lot of the anime I actually like has elements of this); a lot of anime infuriates me with its loudness and obnoxiousness, passing as humour or whatever but coming off as annoying and expository or badly timed or badly paced bull. Cowboy Bebop on the other hand can often be indirect, and only hint at the answers without yelling them at your face.

But this is an old show, a classic, so you've no doubt heard all of this before. If you haven't seen the show yet, though, and you're into them Japanese animations, do me a favour and plow through it yourself.

Good:

Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane (vol. 1) - I know. I'm such a teenage girl. I've said it whenever I mentioned this comic. But I really liked it. It's basically Teenage Spider-Man from Mary Jane's point of view, making it a lot more about their relationship than Spider-Man's adventures, which only barely get touched upon. Imagine one of those teen soap operas you see on TV, PG-ify it a little (no slutwhores sleeping with three guys in this, I'm pretty sure it's aimed at those a little younger), and throw in Spider-Man, and you've got this. Apparently it's a winning formula, because it was very engaging. I will say I'm not overly fond of the art; I find it too much like generic wannabe-anime style art, something that might have a broader appeal, but which I personally just find a little annoying.

In any case, we're probably going to touch on this little 'hidden gem' more once we've read a whole lot more of it, so I'll leave it at that.

Inglorious Basterds and District 9 hit the DVD/Blu-Ray space this week. District 9 was, and still is, a fantastic movie. I haven’t sat down with my Blu-Ray set yet, but it came with a pretty little bonus DVD. Basterds, on the other hand, is as good as I hoped. I was very pleased by the amount of foreigners speaking foreign languages. Much better than bad accents with bad English.

Crrrap:

There were maybe one and a half comics this week, from Marvel, DC and everyone else collectively. So, money saved aside, that was pretty disappointing.

Speakable Evil #5 – Time Travel, trains and tired talking

2009-12-31T15:07:00.003+11:00

Our fifth episode of Speakable Evil is up on youtube now. We still haven’t gotten these on itunes yet, but we really are trying to get that to work. In the meantime, you’ll just have to settle for the youtubes:

The rest of Episode 5 is here.

This time around, Safeer and I (Brad) give a review of The Legend Of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. Adam and Safeer also talk about the reboot series of Doctor Who seeing as the latest episode, The End of Time Part 1, recently aired. We all talked a bit about Christmas too.

As a bit of a warning, this episode was recorded after a long period of recording another podcast, so we kind of got a bit messed up and lazy. Perhaps this makes us more funny. I dunno.

The other podcast I mentioned is our New Year’s Special, so keep an…ear(?)…out for that too.

Feed Proxy V

2009-12-27T15:59:00.001+11:00

Source: Gizmodo.

28 Photos of Faces where they shouldn’t be. [Link]
This article single-handedly makes me hate James Cameron. [Link]
Personally, I’m toward the STALKER end of the spectrum. Wait. [Link]
Are you a Mac and a PC? Then make them best friends! [Link]
I want this toaster. [Link]
That’s a great nose. NSFW [Link]
Great in Theory, Poor in Execution. [Link]

Source: Wired.

Learn to let Go: How Success Killed Duke Nukem. [Link]

Source: Kotaku.

The only Christmas Tree I could ever like. [Link]
I am inclined to doubt this. [Link]
The funniest thing that Russia has ever done. [Link] (With added Cyrillic!)
A great Robin Williams bit. [Link]

Source: Lifehacker.

I still don’t quite get (or care) about the different between 32-bit and 64. [Link]
Firefox themes! [Link]
I call bullshit: none of those apps are Facebook. [Link]

Source: Defamer.

Would you like Taylor Swift as your Supergirl? [Link]

This Week in STUFF: Carols and Corals

2009-12-25T18:32:00.010+11:00

A happy holidays and a riveting religion, atheism, agnosticism or I-don't-care-ism to you all from us here at Unspeakable Evil! Not much else to say, a busy day for some of us, so onwards to content.

Grrreat:

Gitaroo Man - I recently got a Ps2 (I know, I'm several years late, but the quality of something is timeless, don'tcha think?), so expect a lot of Ps2 games to pop up as I play them more thoroughly. Gitaroo Man is something I also played earlier on the PSP (before it broke; long story), so it's already one of my favourite rhythm games. Gameplay involves, you know, pressing buttons and moving the analog stick and whatnot in time to the music, but basically: it's extremely weird (Japanese style weird), very hard, full of awesome (and original) music of wildly varying styles (though most involving a guitar), and you should play it if you like-a the rhythm genre.

Good:

Coraline - The book, not the movie, which I have yet to see. A great little (only about 170 pages) children's book by one of the better contemporary writers. It follows a little girl who enters into another 'world', a typical sort of skeleton for a kid's fantasy book but pulled off really well. While the writing style is simplistic (well, it IS a kid's book), the storytelling is great, the story is imaginative, and to a child smaller than I, it's probably pretty scary too. It has the of feel of a classic fairytale in a modern setting, whilst still feeling new. I am looking forward to the movie, which should be wholly entertaining given the visually creative content of the book. Give it a read, I finished it in a sitting. [Normal people don’t finish 170 pages in one sitting :x]

Addendum (27/12/2009):

I’m not going to go into terrible detail about these, because I mostly can’t be arsed, but I want to a couple name drops. I want to point you towards Ponyo which just fell into shops, on DVD, a few days ago. In the same I want to point to Inglorious Basterds. The former is fantastic, but the latter I haven’t sat through yet. I’m disappointed that I couldn’t find Ponyo on Blu-Ray. Sherlock Holmes is probably the highlight of the Boxing Day releases, but you could always see that new Robin Williams movie or Alvin and Chipmunks: The Squeakuel if modernized adaptations that corrupt the traditional interpretations of an old favourite aren’t your cup of tea. I also point you towards The End of Time, this year’s Doctor Who Christmas Special which will conclude with part two on New Years Day, as it was nothing short of fantastic.

Oh, I should also tell you all that I’ve spotted A Boy and His Blob in stores twice now (buying it the first time). It’s somewhat of a rarity around the Australia place so head to your local JB and hope for the best.

Feed Proxy IV

2009-12-20T14:24:00.001+11:00

Source: Gizmodo.

Superman comes out of the closet. [Link]
The best thing I’ve ever seen with the Star Wars brand name on it. [Link]
This might just be the best thing I’ve ever seen on a woman. Well, you know, besides underwear. [Link]
Red Ring of Death. [Link]
Interesting discussion in the comments: Mum announces her sons death on Twitter. [Link]
The known universe. The hilarity of the concept of there being a “known” universe aside, this is pretty cool. [Link]
I want one. [Link]
Internet Censorship Drama. [Link]
The fourth most used search term by toddlers… [Link]
It’s funny because it’s true. [Link]
Gizmodo was all about the awesome photographs this week. [Link]
These guys are right: I need Lord of the Rings on Blu-Ray. [Link]
Silly people who talk in the cinema. [Link]

Source: Nielsonwire.

Remember when it was a rarity to have more than one TV? Me neither. [Link]

Source: Kotaku.

Oh, the OFLC, may we see you evolved. [Link] [Link] [Link]
I want almost all of these. The Wii 2010. [Link] Super Monkey Ball [Link]
Being colour-blind stops you from more than just flying a plane. [Link]
D’aaw. [Link]
Nintendo Horror. [Link]
The Most Common Trophy and Achievement Names. [Link]

Source: Failblog.

I love that this homeless man is aware of the media storm. [Link]
I always thought he looked like that guy from Men In Black. [Link]

Source: LifeHacker.

Facebook is like that conscience that we men never had. [Link]
This is to make your time on the Wave a little easier. [Link]
Make Windows stop asking for a password when it wakes up. [Link]
Most popular Windows Apps for 2009. [Link]
For those that much more paranoid than I am. [Link]

Source: Defamer.

Apparently Facebook is evil. Whatever. [Link] [Link]
lol, Richard Wilkins and Journalism. [Link]

This Week in STUFF: Little of it.

2009-12-18T17:16:00.012+11:00

Slow week. Wait a minute, no it wasn't: it was incredibly busy. Monday had Mario, Tuesday had me violently sick, Wednesday had me working and Thursday was Speakable Evil. So, very little downtime in between. Perhaps my compatriots can add their endeavours.

Grrreat:

Iron Man 2 trailer guys.

Good:

Catwoman: When in Rome - Tie-in to Loeb's Long Halloween/Dark Victory, pretty good Batman whodunits, Catwoman follows the same formula (except replace Batman with Catwoman) and ties into Dark Victory. It's also a little lighter and more humourous in tone than the books it ties into. Felt a little superfluous, but if you like the comics mentioned above and/or the character of Catwoman you'll probably enjoy this. And Sale draws a pretty sexy Selina Kyle.

Cable #21 – I know that we all love a comic book from 2004, but I thought I’d shake things up and actually present the reader-base with a comic from this week.

Yes guys. I am aware that I am being a dick.

Cable #21 will mean nothing to you unless you’re reading Cable already, X-Men already or even Marvel already. But it’s a pretty good issue, a milestone in fact, as it depicts the manifestation of Hope’s mutant power. This is the issue that you’d want to jump in on now if you’ve missed the other 20 issues and, to be honest, a good six of those twenty were worth missing.

The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks was recently released for the Nintendo DS, and Forte and I have both been playing it. We will give an in-depth review soon, but I thought it was worth mentioning that I think it fits in this ‘good’ category.

Stargate: Universe finally aired it’s pilot on commercial TV here in Australia. The ‘darker and edgier’ interpretation of the Stargate series was good, and although I felt a lot of the plot was reminiscent of the beginning of Atlantis, the episode was a winner for me. It has been compared to the modern Battlestar Galactica by some, which is high praise, considering the criticisms made by reviewers against the previous incarnations of Stargate.

Meh:

Channel Ten means that, at 6PM every night, we get the Simpsons. It also means that at 6:30PM every night we’re forced to watch some “news” because, God forbid otherwise, no one wants to watch Neighbours. The Neighbours season is over for the year so, naturally, Channel Ten has searched deep into the popular consciousness to find a TV show that we all love to watch and given us Malcolm in the Middle to fill the void left by Neighbours. While there’s nothing wrong with the sitcom – in fact I rather find it hilarious – I take issue with it being ten years old.

Ironically, I wish the Simpsons that they air was that old. Hm.

Crrrap:

Captain America officially steps foot back into the Marvel Universe’s land of the living with Brubaker’s Captain America: Reborn #5. If you’re anything like me, then you read issue one and ignored everything that happened after that. Because, well, basically, it’s a load of bullshit. Plus it’s an entirely moot point because Steve Rogers was seen last week in The Invincible Iron Man #22 and The New Avengers Annual (2009). Way to watch your own continuity, guys.

Etcetera:

You know what else is a little superfluous? This category. Things that go here can probably go under Feed Proxy.

The Mario Factor

2009-12-18T16:41:00.001+11:00

You know what it’s like, playing thirteen hours of a game in two sit downs and then reading X-Factor #200 and talking about zombies. You know what that’s like right? Right? Check out episode four of Speakable Evil anyway.

Let’s Mario.

2009-12-16T13:05:00.002+11:00

This is the first blog post directing you to the YouTube, where we keep the NEW Super Mario Bros Wii Let’s Play with four players. There are three episodes up and you should watch them. Then you should look out for the rest of the series as they become uploaded daily over the next however long it takes for the whole series to become wholly updated.

Super Monkey Phone

2009-12-15T19:53:00.001+11:00

Just a video review made by the Adam.

Feed Proxy III

2009-12-13T14:37:00.005+11:00

Source: Gizmodo.

Remember the Jetsons? Remember 2001: A Space Odyssey? Remember when last week was the future for bug-eyed, eager little forty-five year old 1980s science fiction writers? [Link]
I often find that my iPhone is asking me to spread the lotion on my skin: iPhone users suffer from Stockholm Syndrome. [Link]
I require this. [Link]
What would books about Social Networking look like in the 1960s? [Link]

Source: Kotaku.

Art. [Link]
Further developments re Video Game Censorship in Australia. [Link]
Aussie Parents are Fucking Retarded. [Link]
SHADOW ASH. [Link]
Old [Link]
GameBoy art. [Link]
It is pretty much an obligation of yours to watch this Colbert Report clip. [Link]
BOOBS. [Link]
We all want a Viewtiful Joe 3. Even the Viewtiful Joe Designer. [Link]
Wii has better Exclusives because the Ps3 and the 360 share. [Link]

Source: Defamer.

Harry Potter and the Deathly NUDITY. [Link]

Source: LifeHacker.

A potentially useful Mac Tip. Keyboard Friendly Dialogues. [Link]
A huge collection of How To Features. There’s bound to be something interesting and/or useful. [Link]
For all of us Windows 7 newbies: List of New Windows 7 Shortcuts. [Link]
An app for all of you with the type of Windows OS that crashes a lot: [Link]

Source: Has Boobs, Reads Comics.

Shadow Cat. [Link]

I'll add my bit this time.

Source: The Guardian UK

A huge list of people who ruined the decade for us, all in a handy dandy series of posts. Nice way to send off the year. [Link]

Source: Gamasutra

Anyone who makes games with achievements should glue this to their wall. [Link]
World of Warcraft and politics. That crazy China - it's like 1984 but real. [Link]

Source: Sylvia Has A Problem

People really suck. [Link]

Source: designboom

Love this. Creative photography at it's finest. [Link]

Source: Drawn! The Illustration and Cartooning Blog

Expressionism I can get behind. [Link]
I agree with this post. [Link]

Source: npr

Some books. [Link]

Source: io9

And some comics. The comments provide further comics very much worth reading. [Link]

Source: Tiny Cartridge

Sega and their tentacle raep. Old post, I know, but funny. [Link]
Tee hee. [Link]

This Week in STUFF: Lots of it.

2009-12-11T17:38:00.016+11:00

This was meant to be a weekly thing. If you can remember, a few months ago, I did one, and then got busy, and promptly forgot about it. But now I bring it back! Hooray! And in a slightly different format (for one thing, Stuff is easier to say). I am also putting things under categories; that way you know what to check out and what to avoid.

Also, this week, I'm/we're pretty much just looking at stuff I/we can remember, instead of stuff from this week in particular, to make up for the whole column-not-existing thing of the past few weeks. A ton of stuff to go through, yes.

Grrreat:

The King of Kong - A documentary about the world's top Donkey Kong players. Yeah, you heard me. Has to be seen to be believed.

Green Lantern/Blackest Night (so far; I think we're at #4 now?) - Written by Geoff Johns, more or less, art by a whole lotta people. Good so far; better than your average event. Probably a more in-depth coverage later, when it's over I guess. Tie-ins are uneven, but even those seem a little better than usual. Don't know if it's as good as Sinestro Corps was. On the GL titles themselves, Green Lantern Corps is great and Green Lantern is only sometimes good, but they've been tying in to events since Sinestro Corps now so not much to say on them individually.

X-Factor (all of it) - Written by Peter David, art by Valentine De Landro. Not that I've read many, but could be the best X-book on the shelf. Madrox is fun to read and so is Layla Miller. Art's pretty good right now, but nothing too memorable. Never once did I find it noir, though, despite advertising as such. I'll save the rest for the podcast.

Batman/Superman/Wonder Woman: Trinity - Mostly Matt Wagner (think Dave Stewart did colours or something). Art's a lot like Darwyn Cooke's in this miniseries Hence, yay. Story itself is a Silver Age type throwback, writing the first time Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman worked together (against Ra's Al Ghul). A good, fun read; Nothing too mentally taxing. I will say Matt Wagner writes Batman like some sort of angry, slightly misogynistic and somewhat unlikeable dick, though (puns unintended).

The Amazing Screw-On Head (both the comic and the pilot episode) - Why wasn't this picked up by the Sci-Fi channel? Friggin' jerks. Creation from the mind of Mike Mignola (Hellboy), Looks great and is rather hilarious (it is primarily a black comedy). Zombie emperors, ,werewolves, monkeys, robots, Abraham Lincoln and a universe contained within an onion. What's not to love? Wish there was more, comic and/or tv.

Battlestar Galactica (halfway through season one, including the miniseries) - Cool stuff. Reminds me a little bit of The Walking Dead; A survival tale set in a 'post-apocalyptic' world (only, it's in space) and focusing on the characters. Really cryptic so far (what the crap do the Cylons want?), but if you haven't seen this (finished) series yet, you really should start.

Good:

The Host - Recent-ish Korean monster movie, sort of about the dangers of chemicals (and the evil-ness of America). Focuses on a family trying to recover their daughter, kidnapped by the monster. Decent all-around, worth a watch. Watched it subbed, heard the dub was bad.

Batman: Ego - Written and drawn by Darwyn Cooke. Absolutely love the man's art, a bit reminiscent of DCAU but with more defined lines; Love it enough to read anything he draws. Story is decent, starts out great but the Gollum thing wears a little thin (most of the comic is Bruce Wayne talking to Batman).

Lex Luthor: Man of Steel - Written by Brian Azzarello, drawn by Lee Bermejo, and coloured by Dave Stewart. A comic from Luthor's point of view. Well written and art'd, but doesn't entirely succeed in a sympathetic Luthor. He's pretty much a big douche the whole time, and the story's not too original. It can also be a little hard to follow at times. Art, again, is great: I like how Superman's drawn as some sort of monstrous, otherworldly, un-human being from Luthor's point of view. Also, somewhat spoilers: Superman beats the shit out of Batman for carrying kryptonite. At least, that's what it looks like; totally not buying that bit of writing, unless it was Luthor's imagination.

Doctor Who Specials (since the end of season 4) - Little bit like a miniature season. Good stuff, same as season 4, lots of craziness. Probably gonna miss Tennant. Waiting on the Christmas specials.

Amelie - Crazy French (don't worry, it's unpretentious and not arthouse), er, comedy movie about girl named Amelie and the people she's surrounded with/trying to help out. About people and relationships, really, but I wouldn't delegate it to 'romantic comedy' only because that calls forth all those totally unwatchable American ones. Confusing at times, but we did have to rely on subtitles. Interesting enough to give a watch.

Meh:

X-Infernus - Written by C. B. Cebulski, art by Giuseppe Camuncoli. Some X-Men miniseries about Colossus' demon sister. Art was adequate. Overall, average at best, might do more for an X-fan. I do dig her goat-feet, though.

Crrrap:

The Hangover - Barely laughed. Could maybe put it down to exhaustion, but all the laughs were pretty much expended in the trailer. Only watch if you're into low-brow American comedy where 'zany' things happen.

Etcetera:

Where are the video games? - I'm playing stuff, but I'm not exactly beating stuff. Expect some game reviews in the coming months.

Tiger Woods - Does anybody even give a shit?

And that's it from me. As always, feel free to drop a comment if you want me to expand on anything I've talked about here.

Feed Proxy II

2009-12-06T18:03:00.001+11:00

Source: Gizmodo.

Man, you have a girlfriend?: 8 Gifts for Girlfriends Neglected by Tech-Addicted Boyfriends. [Link]
I think that I’m fine with people talking on the phone, so long as they’re talking English. That way, I know if they’re talking about me. [Link]
I don’t even know where the closest Blockbuster is anymore: DOOOOOMED. [Link]
The writer says that he’d prefer to play games on his iPhone with a Dualshock 3. I think, either way, a user wanting to play games on iPhone with a controller BIGGER THAN THE PHONE is an idiot: [Link]
All this needs is Big Bird and Grover: Custom Band-Aid Machine Covers any Length of Cut. [Link]
Dual-Sided Blu-Ray/DVD Discs. [Link]
Straight from science fiction: Electro-Magnetic Pulses Cut Through Steel. [Link]
Facebook VS Myspace. [Link]
I found this quite amusing, but I won’t watch the proper movie: Family Guy Something Something Something Something Dark Side Trailer. [Link]
Hells Yeah. [Link]
Just a reminder: The Universe is awesome. God’s Home. [Link]
Everyone really is evil. Except for Google: Ending Unlimited Free Access to Subscription News. [Link]
Google’s in the Business of Defining Words Now. [Link]
My understanding is that Australian words are equally as ambiguous: Guys Demands to be Arrested for Ripping his own DVDs. [Link]
This is fair. [Link]
Cutest phone ever! [Link]
More science fiction: Invisible Bluetooth Headset. [Link]
That’s a helluva lot of disc space: Mac Pro Quietly Updated. [Link]
More fracking science fiction. [Link]
Man, We’ve come a long way from Floppies. [Link]
We should sue Apple too! [Link]
I’m not one of these third of people. Yet. [Link]
PSP goes backwards compatible. Sort of. [Link]
TWILIGHT JAIL. [Link]
This Wall Clock Shows How Mario has Aged. [Link]
One way video calls on the iPhone. MASSIVE OVERSIGHT THERE, APPLE. [Link] [Another link]
Not a bad deal. Not bad at all. Windows 7 Family Pack Launching in Australia. [Link]
All we really need is a Full HD Computer Screen with HDMI input so that I can run my Ps3 through it and, suddenly, the television is obsolete. TV Execs are Terrified of Streaming Video. [Link]

Source: Lifehacker.

This is a handy list, considering that MiniNova is legal only now. [Link]
This is nifty for all those folks that do webdesign and web testing: Browsera Simultaneously Tests your site in different browsers. [Link]
Do you really need more than 4GB of RAM? No. No I do not. [Link]
This could be a useful app if you feel that you’re in the position such that you could see a laptop stolen from you. [Link]
Google Image Search Update. [Link]
How HTML5 will change the way you use the web. [Link]
Recent Windows Patch Causes “Black Screen of Death”. I seem to have encountered such rendering glitches. It is frustrating, but this article highly exaggerates. [Link] [Microsoft’s Response]
Aaw, Kitty Kat: Pets Are Bad News For Hard Drives. [Link]
Tweetdeck updates guys. [Link]
Old: Unit Pricing Now Mandatory in Large Supermarkets. [Link]

Source: Defamer.

A review for 2012. With sincerity! [Link]

Source: Kotaku.

I am quite sick of Miis: And Now 360 Avatars Can Have Pets. Quick! RUSH TO THE LOCAL FUCKING K-MART. [Link]
This isn’t actually very funny: Brutal Afterthoughts. [Link]
I want these games so badly: [Link] [Link] [Link] [Link] and the first mentioned in this [Link]
Happy Birthday! [Link]
Time to hang up the skates. [Link]
Is this game ripping off Mario Galaxy? Yes. [Link]
Brilliant. [Link]
Commercialised Piracy! [Link]
Pac-Man Rings! [Link]
This will be the most pathetic thing you ever become aware of. [Link]
NIGHTMARES. [Link]
How New Zelda will be Different. [Link] [Link] (lol)
Hey, Stop Blaming The Australian Government/People for “Banning” Games. [Link]

Band Hero review

2009-12-06T17:08:00.001+11:00

All the way back in, er, September, Esoteric wrote about The Beatles: Rock Band. So now that Band Hero has been released I thought I’d give you an overview of that.

The newest instalment in Activision’s Guitar Hero series (They’ve owned it since Guitar Hero 3, when Harmonix went off to make Rock Band), Band Hero is a spin-off with a focus on multiplayer, and allows the game to behave more like the Rock Band series.

The big difference between this game and early games in either franchise is the song list. Whereas the other games have mostly rock tracks with some metal and punk, Band Hero takes it’s music from ‘mainstream acts’. This means that Band Hero is filled with pop and pop rock. Examples of the sort of songs you can expect are ‘Love Story’ by Taylor Swift, ‘Beautiful Soul’ by Jesse McCartney and ‘Wannabe’ by the Spice Girls.

Still, even with tracks which don’t fit into my regular listening, I found that the songs were well chosen and varied enough that there were songs I could still enjoy, such as Don McLean’s ‘American Pie’, Evanescence’s ‘Bring Me To Life’ and 3 Doors Down’s ‘When I’m Gone’. AND it has ‘Kung Fu Fighting’ by Carl Douglas, which is awesome (Though not as awesome as Lego Rock Band’s Kung Fu Fighting and Ghostbusters). So, with comparison to, say, Guitar Hero 3, there is probably a similar proportion of songs that will be liked as opposed to those that won’t. There’s just more songs that will be outright hated by many fans of the Guitar Hero franchise.

I would talk about the gameplay, but I think it’s safe to say that if you’re reading this post, you’re already familiar with how these games work. New features for band play however, include the same functionality as Guitar Hero 5, which is the ability to allow band members who have failed to return to the song provided other band members do well enough in a short period of time. There are a number of multiplayer modes, most of which seem superfluous and unnecessary. Most players will probably just stick with Quickplay, and for good reason. Quickplay, in multiplayer, is a hell of a lot of fun. Career mode is the standard fare, but of course has greater emphasis on using the different instruments or playing with others, in the form of challenges for particular players.

This brings me to the instruments themselves. Here in Australia, the Band Hero bundle was released with the new instruments. At the moment, the same is not true for those in the States. The instruments won’t be available there for a while. The guitar is simply a new design, and it looks okay. World Tour’s guitar was probably better. The microphone annoyed me, due to it requiring a wii remote as well, instead of having buttons built into it. Also, I should mention that the new Karaoke setting for singers makes the lyrics much easier to read and sing along with.

The drum kit, pictured above, is the biggest change in peripherals. The drums have been redesigned based on complaints made about the World Tour drum kit. I never got a chance to play on that kit myself, but I definitely like the look of the new kit better, due to the circular symbols instead of the weird triangles. The kit, including the pedal, is very sturdy and I don’t foresee any problems with it in the future, and it works well, with a good amount of bounce when you hit the pads. All in all, the drum kit is great. Except it also requires a wii remote for us Nintendo players. Personally, I would have preferred the drum kit to be wired rather than using the wii remote for wirelessness. It’s not like you move around a lot while playing the drums, and at least the guitar peripherals use the motion sensing of the remotes as well as the wireless capabilities.

In conclusion, the game is surprisingly a solid entry into the series. I had personally bought the bundle purely for the instruments to use with Guitar Hero: Metallica, but have found the Band Hero game to be not only tolerable, but fun.

Gav.

2009-12-04T20:06:00.001+11:00

I recorded some shameless plugging with my cousin today. He makes Let’s Play. They’re pretty good. Okay, well, he tells me that they’re pretty good. I haven’t much of the attention span needed to watch someone else play video games unless I can poke them and engage with them in immediate discourse, despite the added loud and subjectively hilarious commented added by this Gavaroc Fevinor.

I felt it appropriate to shamelessly plug his channel and videos here. You know, to be fair. His potential audience of 700 subscribers compared to ours of {<10x where x=~1} readers.

Below find the video we recorded. Well, the first of three. Find the other two yourself. By looking at his channel. I’ve linked there twice now with this post. And I wasn’t even asked to. I am clearly a fantastic guy.

Let's Play MAGIC PLANET SNACK

2009-12-04T18:12:00.006+11:00

Despite being unable to upload all the videos due to youtube-ish problems, I figured I would post it here anyways:

A Let's Play, for the uninformed, is basically a complete playthrough of a video game with running commentary. It's mostly just for fun; and this one only took 25 minutes total to complete (so only a fraction is currently up). But whatever; it should be up soon. Go here for the rest of it (eventually, all of it).

EDIT: It's all up. And a little bit embarrassing all around. But hey, you gotta start somewhere!

DYNOMITE

2009-12-03T17:55:00.003+11:00

Despite the destruction of a Vista and the loss of a battery and the inability to television, we bring to you the newest of the Speakable Evil Saga: EPISODE THREE - ForteDantexploitation.

Still not on iTunes. The rest of it can be found here.

Feed Proxy

2009-11-29T14:34:00.001+11:00

We all read blogs – as evident by your reading of this blog now. But we don’t all read blogs all the time and we don’t all subscribe to RSS feeds. I do. So, to make it easier for people who don’t, we’ve collected a series of this week's posts from a series of blogs that I follow.

Source: Kotaku.

Censorship drama in Australia: Atkinson to Appeal Modern Warfare 2 MA15+ Classification. [Link]
Bayformers for my Xbox 360 Miis: Megatron Can Smell Your Xbox Live Avatar, Boy. [Link]
Way more adorable than Nintendogs: Okamiden Trailer Will Lead to Pinched Cheeks and Baby Noises. [Link]
A lot more credible than you might think: Square Enix Anticipating the Death of Consoles. [Link]
A lot less interesting than you might think: Tearing the DS-i LL to Pieces. [Link]
Superfluous: Thank You, Pikachu. [Link]
This could be the most ridiculous app I ever seen: Turn Your Car into PacMan. [Link]

Source: Lifehacker.

This is a handy list of apps that you may or may not use: 60 Free Apps We’re Most Thankful For. [Link]
R.I.P Guys: BitTorrent Tracker MiniNova Goes Legal Only. [Link]
This could be useful. Or it couldn’t: How to Fix Your Relatives’ Terrible Computer. [Link]
I tried out FlashBlock. I do NOT recommend it. It’s a chore: Protect Yourself From Drive-By Browser Malware Attacks. [Link]
Take this, Norton360: Stop Paying For Windows Security; Microsoft’s Security Tools Are Good Enough. [Link]
I was going to put this on my Laptop, but I’m unsure if it works with Windows7: TouchFreeze Disables Your Touchpad as soon as you start Typing. [Link]

Source: Gizmodo.

I’m pretty sure this is the best cake ever. [Link]
I found this hilarious. I’m not sure that I was supposed to: Doubt Cast on Man Found to be Conscious After 23-Year Coma. [Link]
iPhone users take very little from this post: How To: Back Up Any Smartphone. [Link]
I knew Sony invented Blu-Ray for a reason. [Link]
Oh, that sly Obama. [Link]
Paul McCartney has troubles with comprehend the internet – or does he? Paul McCartney Doesn’t Understand the Internet. [Link]
I will never abandon QWERTY: Swype Vs Qwerty. [Link]
I like being reminded that Microsoft are just as evil and souless as Apple: Microsoft’s Search War Hurts Us All [Link]
This is quite amusing: This is how a Pissed off Designer Quits his Job. [Link]
It’s because it lacks the little i: Why it’s gotten straight stupid to buy a Mac Pro. [Link]
This is not surprising, and a little bit funny. [Link]
This is even less surprising. But much more hilarious. [Link]

Source: Defamer.

I don’t mind that this movie might be nothing more than very pretty: Is The Lovely Bones a Masterpiece or Kinda Lame? [Link]
Yeah, nah. Meaning of ‘Redrum’ to be Revealed at Last. [Link]
I knew it: The Mounting Evidence that Avatar Sucks, Part 2: An Eyewitness Account. [Link]
ADORABLE: The Muppets Perform Bohemian Rhapsody. [Link]
Yep. This text is mostly harmless escapist fantasy fiction. Yep. When Twihards Attack: New Moon-Related Brawls and Molestations. [Link]

That’s all I’ve collected this week. Until the next.

Meanwhile...

2009-11-26T11:40:00.001+11:00

Speakable Evil #2 – The real evil is the media. And zombies.

2009-11-20T13:13:00.002+11:00

Settling into our fortnightly schedule, the second episode of Speakable Evil is up on youtube now. We’re attempting to get itunes working, but that may be a while off. For now, here’s part 1 of the youtube version of ep 2.

The rest of Episode 2 is here.

This time around we discuss Marvel’s Doctor Voodoo and compare story parallels between comics giants Marvel and DC, particularly dealing with Necrosha X and Blackest Night, and the fates of Captain America and Batman. Adam also reviews Brutal Legend for the PS3. Lastly, we talk about media hype and the prominence of non-news stories from traditional news outlets (because of the release of New Moon).

We’ve kept up our end of the deal with the bi-weekly podcasts, so please, give it a listen.

Rampage.

2009-11-15T21:57:00.002+11:00

This is not what we’re talking about.

But it is sorta our inspiration for this silly thing. And I, of course, use silly as an ultimate term of endearment.

I still remember our first ever Rampage. Back when we were wide-eye X-teen year olds neglecting our holiday homework and staying up all night playing Kingdom Hearts. Oh, the grand flurry of competition. One finished game, regardless of length, regardless of difficulty, regardless of players, was equal to one point. Oh! The influx of the cheating masses!

The rules changed. Now, every minute of a game is one point. Every page of a book, ever page of a comic and every minute of a movie, is one point. Now the numbers grow exponentially, aligned with our abstract insanity.

The game has begun. The rules are set. The challenge is offered:

Will you play with us?

Happy Frends - an abhorrent webcomic of wonder and magic

2009-11-11T22:50:00.005+11:00

To celebrate the return of my (as described above) webcomic, I decided I would make a post about it here and talk about it a little (check the sidebar for the comic (or head to http://happyfrends.co.nr); I'll also update my blog whenever I post a new one). Happy Frends is about love and the tragedies we must face in pursuit of love. It is about a relationship between a mother and a daughter, struggling to survive in a man's world; it is about the plight of whales and the dangers of global warming; it is about mystical voodoo man-eating turtles and their bad hair days. It is about none of those things. Go check it out.

Speakable Evil #1 - Monkeys and robots and ghosts, oh my

2009-11-05T23:28:00.007+11:00

In an ever widening attempt to sneak our tendrils firmly into every form of artistic medium we can invade, we are now doing a podcast. You can hear us talk speaking-words now! And, lucky for you, our first one is hot off the presses and ready for your listening pleasure.

The rest of the youtube version is here. Need to be a wee bit more patient for the full-length mp3. The post-production phase is taking about a billion years longer than the recording itself, I swear.

In our first podcast, we discuss the merits of NaNoWriMo, happening now (expect some some more on that later on the month, here and other places); We all take shots at the recently (for us) released Time Traveler's Wife film (7:40 minutes in); (mostly) Vyperchild reviews the less recently released Astro Boy American remake (20:40 in); And we say a few words about some comics, namely Haunt #1 and Cowboy Ninja Viking #1 ().

Consider this strange and possibly amusing series a bi-weekly thing, and expect a 40-minute length ramble each time. Enough reading, go listen. Hate it, like it, let us know, all three of you.

Unspeakable eGames

2009-11-01T19:08:00.024+11:00

eGames is a games exhibition that comes to Melbourne (in the magical land of Australia for the geographically challenged) every year. Due to good timing for us and some friends, we decided to check it out last Friday. Never having been to eGames before, or much of any con really, I wasn't sure what to expect. Honestly? Letdown. Seemingly poorly organised and lacking in stalls and content, we saw everything there was to see in less than half the time it was open (well, perhaps Saturday and Sunday were different, as it was running all weekend). We had no idea what was going to be there, but an "IT Professional Resume" stall was not something we expected. There was some fun to be had, though, so read on and see what we saw in glorious iPhone glory.

Look, I think that you're implying that my iPhone was inadequate for the job. But I maintain that it takes a better quality image (on the fly as we were) than my five year old camera plus it's a little bit less conspicuous. It's as inconspicuous as taking photos of strangers can get.

The above images sort of represent the scale and the scope of the exhibition. It sorta looks like a crowd of strange people walking around a Ye Olde Gymnasium navigating their way around arbitrary walls, if you ask me. It doesn't get any more impressive, folks.

Actually I was sincere. I scoffed at the iPhone before, but now I'm fairly certain in my beliefs that it's powered by magical faerie gods who bestow upon it mystic powers of life and death. Except the games are still crap.

Here we get to play the latest hyped up no doubt best seller, Borderlands, on the 360. The game was hidden behind a giant black curtained cubicle, as if to say "stand back, ye children, for these walls hold that which will corrupt and destroy your feeble minds with pictures of great gore and intensity." The game itself, while we didn't stick around too long, seemed to be quality. The graphical style I quite liked, and it did what it advertised: give us a nice post-apocalyptic FPS with a smattering of RPG and a lot of quirky weapons. Would probably get stale unless you were into multiplayer, though.

I really, really liked the way Borderlands looked, but there was nothing to drive me to play it. That's why I stood back, yelled at you guys, and took photos.

This game was really pretty cool. You're these little innocent cherubs in Fairytale Fights, a title that almost encourages friendly fire. Or maybe that was just my personality seeping into the gameplay. It was a little cheesy and silly with the puns, but it was bloody in such an inappropriate way that it's almost impossible not to love this game. If I didn't have a Ps3, I reckon I'd actively go out and buy one for this game. I did have an issue with using the right toggle to smack things though, especially when there's a perfectly good X Button less than an inch away.

I think that's an overstatement. This is another game that would get stale, I think, so I wouldn't get a Ps3 just for it (it's no LittleBigPlanet). It definitely had lots of charm, though, and if you do have a Ps3, it's probably worth giving a look (being a downloadable title and not a full-priced game, I believe).

Assassin's Creed 2. Wasn't enticing looking enough for any of us to play. Based off the concept, it should be entertaining enough, and hopefully less flawed than the first one is famous for.

I don't even remember what this was. A little help?

That's Rayman Raving Rabbits 2 or 3 or whatever number they're up to. It was at the Ubisoft Booth, next to Red Steel 2. I took this photo while you were playing Red Steel 2. Because the girl in the background was cute.

I am a serious journalist ^>^

She was pretty c- hey, wait a minute, what? Red Steel 2 was probably my favourite thing at the con! Really lookin' forward to this game, the Wii seriously needs some more decent titles under its belt. I was able to play through the first section of the game, shoot/slice some baddies, run around the dusty terrain (stuff like jumping and climbing walls is all handled via those cinematic quick time event button presses, which were nifty) and stick it to the first boss. This is a lot more polished than the first game, folks, and feels completely different. The art style was very much like Borderlands without the gore (PG game), and visually I liked it as much (so much for the Wii's graphics making eyes bleed). Wii Motion Plus made it so the waggle was bearable, as the sword actually went in the direction I swung it, and the intensity of the swing mattered too (my arm sort of hurt after the demo, but I figure you'd get used to it). There was even one odd moment where I had to break into a safe by holding the wiimote's speaker to my ear and turning it, as if I was breaking into a real dial safe. Sort of cool.

Thanks for mentioning bleeding eyes: James Cameron's The Avatar the game looks frightfully underwhelming. We've got no pictures of this either (man, we had a slack photographer), but it doesn't really matter. The main selling point of this game was that it was 3D. Ya know, with the artificial bi-ocular depth perception and the headache inducingly awkward glasses. It was really, really disconcerting and I felt no great urge to buy it. Or play it. Or even look at it with the glasses on. It looked very generic besides the graphical "innovation".

In contrast, I was very intrigued and interested by the Splinter Cell demo. We have a video:

Bastard Ubisoft stall guy (is it just me, or did Ubisoft buy out eGames?) didn't actually let us play it. But that might be because of the impressive depth and complexity of the game shown in the presentation. A whole lot of different spy abilities (both technological and psychological) were on show, and though I've never shown a great interest in Splinter Cell before, I think this might be one to buy.

Another miss by our fantastic photographer, who shall not be named (rhymes with 'kesoteric') was Halo ODST. What can be said? Why didn't we get the bloody PC version, for one thing, I hate playing shooters on consoles. Secondly, not impressed. We got to play a little co-op and a little single player, and from what I can tell, it's just more damn Halo. Nothing to write home about, and the glowy lines around everything in visor mode are obnoxious but sometimes really necessary.

My issue with ODST was that it wasn't really a new game. I mean, even Borderlands was decidedly out in some regions of this Earth. We didn't get a very good showing in that respect. But I guess the supreme irony is that we (I) enjoyed the repeat games more than the new titles. We got to rock out on Rock Band and had some fun with Street Fighter 4. Check out our videos below for that. (For the sake of my self esteem, I won't point out which one I am in the Rock Band video).

The stall that had Street Fighter 4 was really just an excuse for Australian Gamer people to get together and play games, as opposed to providing us with something interesting (we weren't exactly linin' up to meet Yug and Matt), but at least we had fun (as evidenced in the video) there. And I got to sit in a bean bag chair. Rock Band was, indeed, fun, as making a lot of noise in a 'public' place always is (I don't think we even have Rock Band 2 down here yet, so it actually counts as a new freaking game).

To conclude the Ubisoft stall, there was this little gem on the Wii. I don't know about you, but something about this game made me want to buy it.

There was also a Boy and his Blob. I didn't give this game a lot of thought at the time, I din't feel the need to. I've already resigned to the fact that I'm buying the game simply because the Boy and his Blob hug.

I totally showed off the hug. So cute! The game itself seemed a bit rough around the edges control-wise (leading to some death and irritation), but it looked pretty and it gives the impression of a fairly challenging puzzle game. So I concur, another Wii title to grab.

All that's really left from me is a little bit of photographer's indulgence. I took these photos below because one (the legs) was just hilarious, because two (the little girl) was adorable and because the last highlights the only freebie we got from the whole event: a silly hat.

I got a t-shirt instead of a hat, so I think I win out there. And don't forget all the free advertising pamphlets we got! Alright, so that wasn't quite everything at the con. We didn't stay the whole time (it was open until 7PM), and some stalls seemed to have not even been set-up by the time we decided to leave. They might have been planning something on the big stage & projector too, but we didn't see anything worth giving a crap about in the time we were there. Basically, there are only so many times you can walk around and purvey the same things before you get restless and impatient. eGames wasn't horrible, but it's probably one of our weaker yearly cons (at least, this year's - nothing from Sony or Nintendo, what the hell) and considering how isolated and ignored Australia is, as well as how many cons I've actually been to in the first place, that says a lot. But hey, silly hat.

900

2009-10-24T23:25:00.001+11:00

Recently, Marvel Comics gave us Thor #600, Spider-Man #600 and The Incredible Hulk #600.

Deadpool was jealous so he gave us Deadpool #900.

If you read this comic, read the re-cap page. It’s not quite as awesome as the re-cap pages from the Cable and Deadpool days (in all of their fourth-wall breaking goodness) but it does have Deadpool talking to himself and the line “I come back from the dead all the time and no one cares” with regards to Captain America [Reborn for those playing at home].

-------------

Close Encounters of the fucked-up kinds
~ Jason Aaron, Chris Staggs, Juan Vlasco, Marte Gracia

This, like most other big milestone issues, is made up of a number of small stories by different writers and artists. Those names go Writer, Penciler, Inker and Colorist. I thought I’d be nice and include more names than just the writer and artist (penciler).

So this first story involves Wade being abducted by aliens, being stripped down naked, getting anal probed and biting his own arm off. And throwing the arm at the aliens. So that they get punched in the face.

Writing is funny, art’s a little tame. S’okay, I say.

Silent But Deadly
~ Fred Van Lente, Dalibor Talajic

Wade’s ear drums are blown out so we get to read a fight scene with no dialogue between Wade and a bunch of Mimes. It’s really fun, and I really liked Talajic’s Deadpool.

Deadpool Shrunken Master
~ Mike Benson, Damion Scott, Lee Loughdridge

The art sucks, I hate it. But I think I’m meant to; Wade goes to see a psychiatrist and I guess we get to have a little bit of a look at his crazy. There are some pretty fantastic images in the issue, but I just don’t like the messy style.

This story was really good. If the first story was the funny Deadpool, and the second was the fighter Deadpool (well, still the funny too), then this one is the interesting Deadpool. The one who’s a cold blooded killer with motive and psychosis. I actually forgot that I hated the art: I got really into the writing. I’m writing this as I go, so I could change my mind later, but this is my favourite story so far.

Pinky Swear
~ Joe Kelly, Rob Liefield

Oh, that’s just not fair. You give me Joe Kelly, as classics nineties Deadpool writer, and pair him with Liefield – the worst artist to have any influence over the nineties? For shame. I don’t care that Liefield co-created Deadpool!

Needless to say: the art is God awful. It’s very nineties, the whole story. And Kelly has invented the best simile ever: “It’s really irritating… like scraping Paris Hiltons on a blackboard”. It’s also a little bit of a parody of the nineties: “SUCCESS! For I am the master of my own pouches!!”

This story starts off really dirty and detestable, but the sexual humour grows on me and it turns out pretty God damn ridiculous. It is a shame about Liefield though. Poor soul.

(I think Liefield has finally learned how to draw feet: there is literally a panel with is JUST a foot.)

What Happens in Vegas
~ Duane Swierczynski, Shawn Crystal, Lee Loughridge

More horrible art! And quite possible the worst yet! Yaay!

Fourth wall be damned; and this story is a parody of CSI-type shows. This issue has a crazy knack for making up for its horrible art with fantastic writing. I am thoroughly enjoying this issue.

Great Balls of Thunder on the Deep Blue Sea
~ Victor Gischler, Sanford Greene, Nathan Massengill, Dave McCaig

So, Wade gets on a boat cruise, and for some reason Doctor Octopus is there. Otto is reading Twilight. Then they play Ping Pong and Otto sinks the boat.

BRILLIANT.

One Down
~ Charlie Huston, Kyle Baker.

More messy art, but this time I rather enjoyed the uniqueness.

This story was one of the most interesting and unique explorations of Deadpool’s fourth-wall-gimmick. I won’t spoil this one too much, but I do love that Wade has a little bit of a go at Wolverine and his reader base, while praising his own.

-------------

Overall, this issue is pretty fun. The writing is fantastically consistent, and the art is pleasantly varied. It comes with a reprint of Deadpool and Widdle Wade, but I didn’t bother reading it.

I was disappointed by the lack of Fabian and Way – but Way has the Deadpool solo running so I don’t mind terribly. I still am disappointed by the lack of Fabian. Fabian can write, at least, as opposed to Liefield’s inability to draw. [Fabian co-created Deadpool, boys and girls].

It was funny, it was interesting, it was fun and the action was pretty good. I recommend a read; it’s at $4.99 Cover Price but – unlike stuff like Dark Reign Tie-Ins or X-Babies – it actually offers more content for the higher price tag. It’s a heavy issue; more issues should be heavy. And you should read this. Everyone should read Deadpool.

^>^

Armageddon Expo

2009-10-18T17:52:00.001+11:00

First things first.

Second things second:

I think you can see a Naruto Cosplayer in there – a bad one. There was an awesome Supergirl Cosplayer (like, seriously awesome) but I wasn’t quick enough with my phone. It was hard to complain to the lady trying to stop me from meeting Goku and also take photos of a cute girl in a short skirt with a belly button showing just so that I could share it with the internet.

You’re looking at a moving Sean Schemmel (Goku), Dante Basco (Zuko from Avatar) and Olivia Hack~~’s cleavage.~~ You’re also looking at some person on the end who, seriously, no one stopped to get signatures from. Missing from the panel Trunks, Colonel Mustang and Beast Boy. The VA for Beast Boy wishes he was as crazy looking as Scott McNeil. (The latter was not present. I sorta wish he was. That would have been awesome).

An array of Comic Book artists and writers. The man with the glasses, and talking, is Peter David. He’s wearing the same shirt that Jamie Madrox wears. He’s a really awesome guy and I really enjoyed listening to people talk to him. I didn’t talk to him because I’m a little girl.

Sean Schemmel after being kidnapped by fans – after his signing shift had officially ended – who had been scorned by the evil security lady that didn’t want to let fans use up the last five minutes of Sean’s shift because she wanted a photo with him. Patience was awarded and Goku turned out to be a rather nice guy. (He also looks like he could either bench or eat Goku. I haven’t decided which).

Also there was a DeLorean there. This is heavy.

Last things last: today I went to the Armageddon Expo and was shocked to find that I enjoyed ~~looking at~~ some of the cosplayers and equally shocked to see this image forever ruined for every man who happened to view the blasphemous cosplayer defacing its good name. Jabba the Hutt was better looking. The expo was as fun as it is every year – in that it very distinctly felt like it had underachieved (and that it smelt a little bit). But, like every year, I buy something I neither need nor want and I struggle to get the signatures I’m chasing after because of work and selfish heinous bitches.

^>^

If anyone does not believe in Venus they should gaze at my girlfriend.

2009-10-13T22:07:00.001+11:00

The Melbourne Museum has this fantastic exhibit on at the moment, that I encourage you all to go look at, on Pompeii. I understand that the majority of people on the planet don’t have access to this exhibit, because they don’t live in Melbourne, so I thought I take some photos (that could very well be illegal) and put them up.

There were lots of pots and things, and Gladiator clothes, at the exhibit and these are the things that I did not take photos of. I find that the exhibit struggled to make the interesting bits interesting, so the uninteresting bits were completely lost to the Roman Gods of Boredom.

(The Melbourne Museum just, fails at making things interesting. They have the most boring Ames Room that I have ever come across and very little in terms of interactive material. I’ll give credit to the dinosaur room – it’s impossible to make giant Sauropods boring. I also give credit to the Scienceworks museum for being interactively interesting – I need to view the Star Wars exhibit).

So I’ve taken some photos of what I found interesting (mostly from the post-Vesuvius-eruption bit) but I maintain that these photos were taken on an iPhone so they’re not of especially fantastic quality. Which is fantastic, because that way you still have a reason to go (if you can) even after seeing the good bits! Aren’t I just the greatest blogger? I *care* about my no-audience.

I took these photos because they’re Ancient Roman Action Figures of the Ancient Roman (Greek) Gods. I thought that was pretty cool. There were some Ancient Roman Dice (gambling was only legal on Saturday) too. Photos of two dice would have been less than exciting, though.

This is a statue of Muse, which is, uh, the Greek or Roman God of Creativity or something like that. You know, like a Muse. Below are some plaques, for want of a better (the proper) word, of Minerva (Athena) and Mercury (Hermes). There was a broken Vulcan (Hephaestus) next to Mercury.

This thing just creeped me out. It was the head in the middle, just handing there all disembodied-like, that did it. I wasn’t able to figure out whether it was an original (I have no idea how it could be) or a duplicate (I have no idea how it could be), but I found it interesting anyway. The random tears and rips; and that it could potentially be thousands of years old.

And now: the feature! The dead people! I feel obligated to warn you, just like they did, that these aren’t the originals – that they are duplicates – but that they still may be distressing. Though, I am sure that you’ve seen pictures in text books at school anyway.

Be sure to click for bigger pictures. ^>^

(The post title, you see, was me being clever. The walls of the exhibit were covered in graffiti translated from the Roman graffiti that covered the walls of Pompeii. This was the main one that caught my eye.)

Meanwhile…

2009-10-08T21:33:00.011+11:00

358/2 Days

2009-10-02T23:55:00.003+10:00

Been a while since I posted anything, but seeing as I’m currently addicted to Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days on DS (and Professor Layton as well), I figured an in-depth review was the perfect reason to write something.

A little forewarning: there may be spoilers. In addition, the Kingdom Hearts series can be confusing enough for those who have played it, so if you haven’t, you can expect to not understand much of what follows.

The game’s place in the series is between the original Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom Hearts 2. Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories occurs during the beginning portion of 358/2 Days. Presumably, the game will fill in the rest of the time in which Sora slept before Kingdom Hearts 2.

The plot follows Roxas’ time as a member of Organisation XIII, whose name becomes inaccurate when number XIV (Xion, the girl on the cover) joins. Naturally enough, she’s another Keyblade wielder. Whatever happened to the good old days when being a Chosen One was unique? Roxas and Xion's duties include not only those of the other Organisation members, but also collecting Hearts from the Heartless, which is something only Keyblade users can do.

For the most part the plot seems to (so far) be a little slow and dull, and the many scenes with Roxas and Axel complaining about how they don’t know what a best friend is or how the can’t feel happy because they have no hearts get annoying after a time. However, the plot is doing a decent job of filling in the blank spots left by the large gap between the main games, as well as giving a greater insight into the motivations and workings of Organisation XIII. The Disney worlds feel somewhat awkward, mostly due to the fact that, for example, not much really happens in Agrabah in the break between Aladdin and Return of Jafar.

The gameplay mechanics are similar to those of the core Kingdom Hearts games, with the menu system as opposed to the card-based combat of Chain of Memories. The largest difference is the use of Panels, which are items which must be equipped in the Panel Menu before leaving The Castle That Never Was to go on a mission. Panels are required for the use of items such as potions, Magic, abilities such as Blocking, and upgrading the Keyblade. The use of magic is the largest divergence from the main games, as rather than having a magic bar to pay for spell usage, you are given a certain number of spell uses based on the Panel configuration you have chosen (i.e. taking two Fire panels will allow you two Fire spells). Certain panels also have a Link feature, which allows for special bonus effects or extra uses. Additionally, there are Level Up panels, which are the only example of ‘temporary levelling’ in video games that I can think of. (The World Ends With You allows you to fully control exactly what level you are, but that also ups the ante by increasing item drop rates for playing at a lower level. - Forte)

As I mentioned, rather than using the open-world style of game progression of the core games where the player progresses through one world’s story, 358/2 Days utilizes missions wherein Saix (II) sends you to perform various acts such as kill Heartless, investigations and various tests. While the missions do occur in the same worlds as those in previous games, often the levels have areas which are deemed irrelevant by the Organisation and are blocked off. However, just where the blockages are changes from mission to mission, so it seems as if the worlds in their entirety are of comparable size to the main games.

Graphically, the game is gorgeous. I did not think it was possible for the DS to have so much prettiness. As a quick contrast, the in-games graphics of 358/2 Days are far better than the cutscene graphics in games such as The Legend Of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, with the cutscenes being jaw-droppingly good, as you can see below. Simply put, the visuals are unparalleled by anything else on the platform, and are hopefully a sign of the direction the DS/DSi will take over the rest of it’s lifetime.

I have yet to play the multiplayer mode of the game, so I’ll leave judgment alone on that for now. I believe Forte has tried it though, so he may add something later. (Multiplayer mode just allows you to play the missions from Story mode with up to three other people, and you can use any member of Organisation XIII. You can also mess around with the game settings a lot more, like turning off magic or decreasing damage output. It can be played solo, but if you play it with people the person with the most gems at the end of a mission gets a Crown, and you can use those to earn stuff at the Moogle Shop. You have to collect Unity Badges from the missions to play them though, which is a pain. - Forte)

Overall, the game is one of the best offerings on the DS. However, due to the convoluted plot and continuity it is far from easily accessible. For fans of Kingdom Hearts, this is practically a compulsory purchase. For everyone else, it’s definitely worth checking out, but it’s likely the plot will lose you.

-Vyperchild

This Week in Entertainments: RUNMAN, Gameswipe, Powers, etcetera

2009-10-02T21:09:00.014+10:00

Well, after the Scribblenauts post, I realise I don't have the patience to write that sort of gigantic text-wall (which is why the Mario & Luigi preview won't see the light of day). Here I present to you in a much more digestible (and hopefully regular) format some reviews of things I've hit up in the last week. I welcome my peers to add their own to this post.

Gameswipe - From the British wit and sarcasm of Charlie Brooker (Newswipe, Screenwipe, watch that razzmatazz) comes a 50-minute long love letter to video games, dispelling (or trying to) some of the stigma of video games in the media and taking a nice look at its entire history (as well as you can in 50 minutes). This thing racked up more ratings than both the other shows mentioned, but it's a one-off thing at the moment. Hope to see more (a series would be grand), though his Twitter mentioned he may be bringing up video games in Screenwipe now. Watch it here if you like video games, and especially if you don't.

Powers (volume 1) - Not to derail the subject before even bringing it up, but I think Bendis' (if you read Marvel comics you know who he is) best writing is in the crime genre. Stuff like this and his early crime comics led him to similarly toned titles such as Daredevil (fantastic) and that thing about Jessica Jones I haven't read but I'm sure is good. He may be writing pretty much all of Marvel now, but crime is where he's at. Powers by Bendis and Oeming is a fun and fairly well-written comic series. It's basically a police procedural following a couple of cops who deal with (super)powers and powers-related crime. I have to admit, near the end of the volume things got very odd (monkey sex!) but the whole volume was full of good and usually original stories (well, original for superheroes: the stories themselves are inspired by the real lives of famous musicians). The art is hit and miss, I must confess. It comes off as a cartoonier Bruce Timm style, and sometimes it doesn't feel like it fits with the tone. Nonetheless, recommended. By the end of it the status quo is shot to hell, so I'll have to see whether volume 2 retains the quality. Oh, and did I mention a TV series? Should work well.

RunMan: Race Around the World - RUNMANRUNMANRUNMANRUNMAN. Run fast, jump fast, and rack up points along the journey. Yes, Sonic could still learn a thing or two from this little guy. This game oozes fun, it's free, and you can't die, so it's still accessible to those of you who aren't masochists like me and need to get gold medals in every stage. I must confess, I love the developers, Matt Thorson's games in particular always being favourites of mine (these, however, are very masochistic, so you've been warned). Grab it, play it, now.

Arx Fatalis - A real-time first-person dungeon crawler old enough to run on my shitty computer. A spiritual successor to Ultima Underworlds II, this is a solid and entertaining RPG romp for those who are fans of the genre. Think Morrowinds, except set in a gigantic underground city/dungeon for the entire game. Worth a shot if, again, you like this sort of thing, and pretty cheap here.

Milk - Took me a while to finally see this, but our University screened it for free this week. A well-made and very moving biographical on the first openly gay man to be elected to a major political position. If you haven't seen it yet, please do.

Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days - Yeah, the name confused me too. I've never played a Kingdom Hearts game, so this DS prequel/sequel/whatever the hell it's supposed to be does not enlighten me with its seemingly idiotic plot and sloppy writing. But who cares, right? It's a fun 3D button-masher with some nice RPG touches, like a customisable grid which allows you to input panels for all things (items, skills, even levels). Have not yet finished it, but worth playing, probably moreso if you know what the hell is going on.

Surrogates - A Bruce Willis sci-fi thriller. Interesting if unoriginal concept, pretty terrible execution. Spent the whole movie staring down the gaping maws of plot holes and the general incompetence of the police. But hey, it has Bruce Willis in a silly wig, so see it (but don't pay for it :x). Compelled me to check out the material Hollywood derived it from, at least (Hollywood seems to have run out of ideas a long, long time ago).

Wallace & Gromit's Grand Adventures (Episode 4: The Bogey Man) - Another fine point n' click series from Telltale Games comes to a close. Same charm as the claymation series by Aardman, but with the interactive gameplay that harkens back to the good old days of LucasArts, albeit simplified. Episode 4 was possibly the best one, involving a golf country club, marriage and a scheme that ties them together. Grab it if you like either Wallace & Gromit or point and click adventures.

Edits and additions by the Esoteric: I’d like to direct the Australian audience (and potentially international audience looking for a crash course education in the popular Aussie culture that you have no choice but to be ignorant toward) to a post on my other blog about Hey Hey It’s Saturday. I’d also like, again mostly for the Australians because this might be a little bit less of a big news deal down here than in, say, New York for example, to direct readers to a recent happening re David Letterman. It’s pretty big deal, I think, because Letterman is somewhat of a big deal. The video linked isn’t fantastically well recorded, but the sound is the more important thing. I didn’t embed it for fear of risking copyright.

I also think that it’s really, really important to share this Kotaku post with everyone who owns a Wii. ^>^

Rock Hero.

2009-09-15T21:00:00.001+10:00

On the one hand:

On the other hand:

Once upon a time, back in Guitar Hero 3, I had the time and attention necessary to at least become somewhat skilled at using the guitar peripheral – at least to the point such that I was able to play on Hard.

Two years since, I’ve lost that relative determination and I am now perfectly contented to play on medium. Medium gets the game finished, gets the single player experience out of the way, and leaves room for multiplayer fun.

Until Vyperchild comes along and kicks our arses with his “skill”.

But this is neither here nor there, as I imagine that the majority of players of Guitar Hero and Rock Band are as content as I to stop at medium – or even earlier – I have rather actively questioned the merit of The Beatles Rock Band.

So far, I’ve played half the game and, I hate to say it, I’ve found the game insufferably boring. I do not dislike The Beatles, but their music is just so slow. Guitar Hero Metallica, even on Medium, would work up a sweat. The tactile sensation of smacking that strum bar was so much more prominent because the songs were so much faster (and indeed a lot more challenging and frustrating on the same difficulty).

Mind you I’m not up to I am the Walrus Yet; and that looks awfully fun in the above video. On Expert, but still.

I question the merit of The Beatles as a flagship title for (either Guitar Hero or) Rock Band because of the speed of their songs and because of the difficulty associated with them. I look at the above videos and I see one game hard by its speed and length and I see another hard by its awkward button combinations for the left hand. I question which challenge would be more enjoyable.

I wonder, of course, if The Beatles were not put in front of the Rock Band brand name for no reason other than that they are The fracking Beatles.

^>^

Scribblenauts: First impressions, and does it meet the hype?

2009-09-12T23:28:00.014+10:00

Forte here. This blog is pushing daisies. I will revive it with some vidja game discourse. Yay!

So, Scribblenauts comes out in a few days. Anticipation is high, the air is thick with hype and... I already have it. The game has been leaked a few days early. Pointless ethical debates aside (yaarrr!), I think a detailed look into the game is in order. Was it worth the wait, and does it meet expectations? Those are the big questions. The game is highly ambitious by nature, and all previews have pointed to it being great. Let us dive in and see what all the fuss is about.

Before we begin, a primer for those who have been living in a cave for the past few months: Scribblenauts is a Nintendo DS game by 5th Cell, the makers of Drawn to Life (in my opinion, fairly blah) and Lock's Quest (above average). Drawn to Life was also ambitious, in its own way, but I believe overall it failed to be a cohesive and enjoyable game. Scribblenauts is even MORE ambitious, and when early details arrived, people were mostly in a state of disbelief. A game where you can type just about any word in the dictionary to make it materialise in the game world. Too good to be true, overambitious, etc. The game itself is more or less a puzzle game, and in each puzzle you have to use your wits to come up with a solution for obtaining the 'Starite' at the end. Another worry is that it would just be too easy: when you can create any object you can think of, where would the challenge come from? Nonetheless, some people have already started calling it the best DS game ever.

Playing the game is probably a good way to find out. We begin by entering our names into one of two save files. I try out the handwriting pad, which feels pretty smooth, but nonetheless I stick with the keyboard for the rest of the game as I don't have to worry about character recognition that way. We're taken to the menu, which has five options: Challenge (the game itself), Level Editor (self-explanatory), Ollar Store (which lets you spend points you earn in-game on extras), Extra Levels (play custom-made levels), and Options (which lets you change the language settings, play one of the game's songs, and also view your merits and avatars, but more on the latter two later). Onto challenge, of course. I should put a disclaimer here: as I'm going to be playing and solving some of these earlier levels, if you don't want (some possible) solutions handed to you, you'll probably want to skip my paragraphs after the tutorial and before I give my final thoughts.

World 0 is merely a few tutorial stages, detailing the controls. Everything is controlled via stylus and jumps are automatic. You tap and drag objects to interact with them and attach them to each other. Tap an object like a hammer or shovel to pick it up, and you can use it on breakable walls. Tap a vehicle to get into it. When holding a gun, tap another object to shoot it, or double tap anywhere on the screen to shoot in that direction. You can also attach certain objects to other objects, the tutorial teaching you how to attach glue to a painting, and then to the wall. Each object seems to have green dots which specify points where other objects can be attached. Some objects also have multiple functions, which are specified by little popups. Nothing too terribly difficult, but this is where the major flaw starts to rear its head.

(Something to go back and mention: the title screen is a playground where you can type whatever you wish. Pretty sure Maxwell is invincible on the title too. Neat.)

The level system is also explained here. Every level has a 'Par', which is the maximum number of objects you can use to solve the level. Going under par nets you more 'Ollars', the game's currency. How much time you take to solve the level, and how much 'Style' you use to do it (its a little unclear what's stylish and what isn't, but basically, use more creative methods to solve the level to get more style points) also nets you Ollars. Finally, how you solve the level also gains you 'Merits', which are similar to achievements. Some example Merits are 'Jockey' (use an animal as a vehicle) and 'Prodigy' (complete a level 3 times in a row). You can repeatedly get merits by fulfilling them in levels, but under options it only lists whether you have gotten them once or not. Personally, would liked to have seen a count, so we could see how many times we've written a 'New Object'.

Besides interacting with objects, there are two functions on the screen: one is a magnifying glass which allows you to identify the name of an object, useful for spawning that object yourself. The other is the meat of the game, the notepad. Writing a "real-life, physical object that cannot be: a place, proper name, suggestive material, shape, latin or greek root word, alcohol, race or culture, vulgarity or copyrighted" will cause it to spawn in the level. The clause isn't entirely true, either: you can write proper names such as Abraham Lincoln and some others and they will spawn, and there is quite a range of things that can. Some odder stuff such as memes also made it into the game, actually: try writing longcat, for example. And typing in NeoGAF gives you the site's logo, which you can oddly enough fly around.

There are two types of levels, 'Puzzle' levels where you're given a hint to help you make the Starite appear, and 'Action' levels, which have a Starite at the end of the level that you can reach in any way you can think of. Each world has 11 of each of these types of stages, and the game has 10 worlds overall. Quite a fair amount.

Decide to start with Action. On to Action level 1-1, a Starite in a tree. Pretty straightforward. I decide to write a crane (vehicle, not bird), and tug it down (attach chain to Starite and back up) and grab it. That's not the end of it, though. The level is solved, unlocking the next level, but you can go back to a level for 'Advanced' mode. In this mode, you have to solve a level 3 more times in a row, the catch being that you have to use objects you didn't use before. This is where the real challenge lies. While for the most part, the regular round is fairly straightforward (though later on even that gets a little tricky), trying to solve the levels in creative ways is by no way easy, and the game shines in putting you in situations that need you to think creatively.

Going back to Advanced for 1-1, I create a rope and use it to lasso down the star. Piece of cake. Second round, I create a lumberjack, and give the man an axe. He does his job accordingly. Third round I decide to get in a plane, probably a bit excessive for a little tree, but I get the Starite down and clear the level. The plane, though, is a little unwieldy in its control, I must say.

And the control problems get worse down the track. Sometimes when you want to pick something up you run instead, when you want to run you jump and some things just plain control oddly. More on that later, though.

Puzzle level 1-1 is a little more difficult. You're presented with a policeman, a chef, a fireman and a doctor, and all you need to do is spawn two objects that they 'use in their hands'. As you can only hold one object at a time, this means pick two of them and give them something relevant. For the regular round, I give the policeman a gun and the chef some pie (it asks me to clarify whether I meant pizza or dessert). All four start crowding around the chef and I assume, sharing the pie, and the policeman lets a shot off into the air in happiness. Starite get! For the first Advanced round, I gave the doctor a stethoscope and the fireman a firehose. Accidentally attached the firehose to the fireman the wrong way, so it didn't register, but I unattached it and the little guy grabbed it himself, netting me a Starite. Second round, I give the policeman a baton and the doctor a scalpel. Last round, I actually had a little trouble thinking of more objects (bit like writing block). I gave the chef a ladle, but I had to wrack my brains a little to think of something for one of the others. I tried typing in needle for the doctor, but it gave me a knitting needle. Rats. Tried typing in police dog and leash, and giving that to the policeman. Sort of had trouble attaching them, as there wasn't much room for both the objects, but that didn't register in any case. Finally thought of handcuffs. Rejoice!

Before I head to the next level, I decide to check out the Ollar store. You can buy songs (which you can listen to under options), and Avatars. Avatars are just alternate sprites you can swap out Maxwell's sprite for, such as a zombie or a witch. I buy the pirate sprite and decide to switch to pirate (via options), because it seemed appropriate. Probably a good time to mention, to unlock worlds you have to spend Ollars on them, and I’m fairly sure you can do so in a non-linear fashion (i.e. buy any of the worlds you can afford).

In Action level 1-2, you are presented with a couple boulders, two buttons and three doors. As long as something is on the two buttons, you can access the level to the third door, revealing the Starite. More control problems. I figured for a 0 Par score, I would push both boulders onto the buttons. Scribblenauts does not like you pushing things. I jumped around like a madman and accidentally fell without the rocks once, having to restart. It’s possible I was doing it wrong, but I did try very hard to push the rock instead of automatically jump over it. Got it eventually. Advanced round 1, drop a cat and a dog on them, cause I can. Second round, type in Thomas Edison. Get a, um, dinosaur with a bandana. Absolutely no clue what it is, but it proceeds to maim me. Try again, and Abe Lincoln and Albert Einstein graciously sit on the buttons for me. Third round, well, having trouble remembering what I used. Again, I wish that the game kept track of what objects you used, for curiosity’s sake. Like a Pokedex for words. Anywho, I believe I wrote a rock (how imaginative!) and a golem (which gives me a robot instead of the rock golem I was expecting). And that’s that.

Puzzle 1-2 presents you with a butterfly. Butterfly net seems the obvious option, but its flying too high up. So I lasso it, and the Starite. Advanced round 1, I try to suck it in with a vacuum cleaner. Doesn’t work. Create a bee, which proceeds to beat the crap out of it. Teehee. Make a gun and shoot it. More teehee (come on, doesn’t grabbing the corpse count? Oh, dead things don’t leave corpses). Create another butterfly, just to see how they would interact. No reaction whatsoever. I stop messing around and make a trampoline, grabbing the butterfly on the way up. Advanced round 2, it’s a pogo stick instead of a trampoline. Final round, helicopter it up. Accidentally kill it with the rotor blades, whoops. Use the helicopter again, this time deftly jumping out and grabbing it on the way down (even with the hit and miss controls). Hooray!

Action 1-3. Land, sea and air, and a Starite on the other side. First round, create a dolphin and ride it smoothly under and over to the Starite. Controls quite well. Advanced round 1, create a mole, expecting it to dig through the breakable wall. Apparently it’s afraid of me, though; it runs in the other direction and takes a swim (can moles swim? Aren’t they blind? Maybe I’m being ignorant here). Make a pterodactyl instead, and fly over to the Starite. Again, a very smooth ride. Final round, didn’t think too hard about it, made scuba gear and grabbed the Starite.

The last level I’ll look at is Puzzle 1-3, as this is getting incredibly lengthy. This one was actually fairly straightforward. Ride down a ramp and jump over the sign left by the biker. Liked the touch of the supermodel standing at the end with a trophy. First round, made a skateboard. Sort of toppled over on the ramp a little, but apparently it didn’t care much as I still got the Starite. First Advanced round, rollerblades (yawn), though it corrects them to rollerskates. Second round, make a car, which also manages to topple over a few times, but it auto-corrects itself and I still get the Starite. Final round, a horse propels me over the ramp. I think animals must control a fair bit better than vehicles, from what I’ve tried so far.

Well, that’s all I’m covering, but I hope it gave you a good feel to the game you’re expecting, and whether it’s worth eating up. Personally? I think this is a staple title for DS owners, but I also believe there will be a group of people who hate this game. Why? Stylus controls. Not even reasonably done ones, either (I thought Phantom Hourglass had fine controls, but people still complained). They really should have used the face buttons for moving and jumping, relegating the stylus to moving around and writing objects. This would have made the game very fantastic. Nonetheless, as it is a puzzle game and not an action game, the controls don’t mar the creative and entertaining gameplay. Challenge exists, despite doubts, because of the Advanced levels that force you to think outside the box a little. And the game delivers on its claims, registering over 20,000 words (even though many of these create duplicate items, there are still thousands of unique objects; its fun just seeing them). The animations of the objects and creatures are simplistic and samey, as they use speech bubbles to convey moods; but this isn’t too noticeable or irritating, as you’re playing this on the DS, it’s perfectly adequate. DS game of the year? It’s possible. Best DS game ever? A nominee, maybe, but not a definite. Best game ever? The people who claim that are a just a little bit high.

Here is a picture of God with a top hat riding a chinese dragon:

I hope that gave you a little insight into the game and answered some of your questions; statements, questions, clarifications, or your own impressions, I encourage you to comment.

And a possible next in previews, if I get around to it:

Edit: Just an update to this post, turns out you can kill yourself on the title screen. Just use a nuke, or a meteor (there may be more). Thanks to the person that pointed this out.

Forte Dant-GAY

2009-06-12T21:55:00.005+10:00

So we’ve been struck by (a smooth criminal) a case of Swine Writer’s Block this last fortnight or so. And we’ve been trying our absolute hardest to come up with something to talk about when Forte said this:

Forte Dante says (9:51 PM):
more like YOU TWO think of shit to write about
Forte Dante says (9:51 PM):
im spriting

What an ass, eh?

This post is terrible and whoever originally made it is an idiot.

Posted by Esoteric at 9:55PM

Aw.

What just happened was Esoteric tried to make a joke. Don’t worry though, not getting it is not your fault. Now for an HK-47 impersonation:

Insulting Implication: Because he sucks.

Vyperchild is just upset because he’s currently DRUNK.

But I’m a happy drunk. It’s this awful soberness that’s upsetting. And our inability to think of something awesome to post.

Maybe if you WERE drunk, we wouldn’t have this problem. I place all of the blame squarely on you. And Forte. ESPECIALLY Forte.

Maybe if you WEREN'T drunk, this wouldn't happen, Adam. DRUNK ON YOUR OWN SENSE OF SELF-IMPORTANCE.

Yeah?! Well maybe if you weren’t so SHUT UP FORTE.

At least I wasn't raised by snakes!

Snakes don’t raise their young. Shows what you know.

Yeah, you tell him Vyperchild. You being the child of a vyper doesn’t mean you were raised by snakes. And I mean, really, who would want to have a name like Forte? OH LOOK AT ME, I AM REALLY GOOD AT SOMETHING IN PARTICULAR AND MY NAME IS DANTE LOL.

How appropriate, you fight like a cow!

Fuck. You. Fuck you very, very much.

<3<3<3

Meanwhile…

2009-05-28T20:03:00.004+10:00

Hugh Jackman’s Butt

2009-05-01T22:06:00.006+10:00

SPOILERS

Wolverine loses his memory!

If X2 was pretty good and X3 was abysmal, Wolverine rates somewhere in the middle. Maybe the lower middle, sure, but it was fairly enjoyable. Some parts were fun eye candy whilst others were worth a cringe or three, but I think, overall, it was watchable. I suppose it’s these details we’re about to go over, including I’m sure (if I know us well enough) repeated mention of Wolverine’s posterior (that’s already two).

I think that Forte is being much too kind. I’d say that it is exactly as bad as X-Men 3. I despise X-Men 3. He’s right in that there was some fun eye candy but X3 had eye candy too.

Maybe I am. I just didn’t feel as negatively towards it as I did towards X3. I think that has a lot to do with expectations. With X3, I had randomly rented it from a DVD store with no presumptions about what it was going to be. I’ve known Wolverine would be odourous for a while now, thanks to the internet, so maybe I was let down less as a result.

I agree with Forte on this. X3 was worse. I think Wolverine was enjoyable on at least some level for us comic fans, even though we dislike some/all of the changes, whereas X3 just plain didn’t work.

And Wolverine *did*? Not a single element of the plot is adequately explained, a lot of the character behaviour is illogical and the character inconsistencies between this Stryker and X2 Stryker are, well, startling. At least X3 follows a logical plot line from A to B. Is the plot any good? No. The plot is a convoluted mess of useless characters reacting to too much happening all at once. But at least it was logical. The biggest problem with X3 was the blasphemous treatment of iconic comic book characters and a very, VERY cheesy demonstration.

Oh, by the way guys: we all went ahead and saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine today. We’re sorta doing a review right now.

ANYWAY, Wolverine shared both of these faults with X3 plus a plot that just did not make any fucking sense!

The plot kind of made sense. Okay maybe it didn’t, Weapon XI being given a bunch of powers under the pretence of ‘Jason Stryker + Wolverine = Final Boss’ was ludicrous, but other than that I thought the plot mostly worked. I didn’t like the girlfriend being alive though, that was very annoying and not executed believably.

Well, I have to agree. I don’t think the *entire* thing was incoherent, to be honest. We can agree that X3 and Wolverine both misrepresent and misuse the characters and the overall execution of both is poor, but the way the plot, well, fails is different. X3 tried to execute too many plot lines at once (the cure, the Phoenix, you could stretch it and say something about Xorn (in fact: I DID)) and it was a very convoluted mess. I think Wolverine chugged along decently up until a certain point, and I can’t pinpoint exactly where (maybe one of you can), but that’s when the plot started making no sense and everyone decided to start acting out of character. It was enjoyable up until then, but after that, it was a bloody mess (pun intended) until the end. But hey, at least the fights were still cool.

Like I said to Vyperchild while we were waiting for the train home: the movie was fine up until Gambit.

I don’t believe I agreed at the time, but on later consideration, you are correct. Gambit was where the movie started to trail off into absurdity and stupidity. Not that Gambit was bad, I actually quite liked the way they dealt with him. Sure, he didn’t have an accent, but he made for a decent fight scene (even if it was only for the purposes of delaying Wolverine and Sabretooth’s inevitable confrontation) and his powers were accurate to the background. Showing up at the end to save Wolverine was crap and pointless though, and then he didn’t even help those kids at all, he just let them get on the helicopter with the creepy old guy (I know it was Xavier, it’s a joke).

Inevitable confrontation with Sabretooth? That totally never happened.

We’ll, Sabretooth aside (one mess at a time), Gambit made for a cool display of powers, and the actor didn’t do a terrible job or anything (like say, Halle Berry as Halle Be- I mean, as Storm), but he made very little impact. Despite all the people that want to have sex with him, they really did throw him aside. They used him exactly twice, both as a painfully obvious plot device. Delay the movie by stopping Wolverine, get Wolverine to THE ISLAND right after, and the other aforementioned terrible and especially unnecessary bit at the end where he saves Wolverine from falling debris. Sure, the accent isn’t a major hiccup, but small ones do add up, and was it that hard to get it right when he had so very few lines to begin with?

“I was in this movie for a whole twenty minutes! And I got to twirl my stick like a helicopter once! Whee!”

His accent was totally a major hiccup. It’s one of the very most integral aspects of Gambit’s character! I mean, that’s what he is. The Cajun unintelligible thief who blows up cards. Like Forte said: NOT. TOO. HARD. I find that the smaller things hurt as much as the bigger things because the smaller things, to me, indicate a laziness and an overall apathy with regards to the characters, plot, acting, direction, source material and fanbase. I mean, they didn’t even give him red eyes. That’s two very small things that would NOT take a whole lot of effort.

That’s the Gambit that the fanbase LOVES. I don’t understand why the movie gave us something so very different. He was included for the SOLE PURPOSE OF FANSERVICE. So where WAS THE FANSERVICE?

Speaking of small things – Sabretooth. Not in that way. Aesthetically, Sabretooth was still gruff and mean and everything and was good. But he needed some more hair. Character-wise there were no problems aside from one tiny little thing at the end. Sabretooth saves Wolverine. Then they team-up. That shouldn’t have happened. They wanted to kill each other, not be best buddies ‘Back to back!’. Barring those two things though, Sabretooth was fun, and had a great deal more depth than his counterpart from the X-Men movies.

What he said. Speaking of the ending ruining everything, what was up with that Silverfox bullshit? It was ridiculously contrived (“and here’s a flashback to show how we did it, folks!”) and in the end she still loved him anyway so it was just a predictable yet painful plot twist used for the sake of being a plot twist. I was also very confused why he just walked out of the place after the reveal instead of gutting Stryker in the groin (groining him? Wow, that is an awesome word). Did I miss something?

See, that’s what I meant by illogical. The plot suddenly found itself constrained by the events of X2. James wanted to kill Stryker, but he couldn’t because Stryker is very much alive by the time the plot reaches X2. So the writers, instead of coming up with a reasonable excuse as to how Stryker gets away, sorta just have James conveniently choose NOT to draw and quarter the bastard. The same with the final act – as ridiculous as the BROTHERS FOREVER was, there was no logical reason as to why James didn’t turn around and cut Victor’s head off. Again: it didn’t happen because Sabretooth shows up in X1, further along in the plot. It hit the exact same snag as Star Wars did with R2D2 and C3PO. For it to fit in with the plot, those droids needed to not know ANYTHING. So lol mind wipe. The same happens here and the plot suffers just as greatly. But, well, the writer’s COULD have done better. I mean, Sabretooth maybe DOESN’T save the day at the end? That’s two problems avoided all at once. Really bad writing that is.

Oh yes, the mind wipe. The writer’s most certainly could have done better there. Not sure how, what with Wolverine’s memories tucked neatly behind an impervious skull, but adamantium bullets were not the way to go. For one, would the bullets really be able to dent, let alone pierce adamantium that thick? And, assuming that they could, then why doesn’t Wolverine have two holes in his skull in the X-Men movies? The mind wipe was, of course, necessary, but it wasn’t carried through with logic (The more I write the more I question my earlier leniency on the plot, interesting).

Pretty sure that nothing can cut adamantium – not even adamantium. Of course, that’s talking about PURE adamantium. Wolverine’s bones were never PURE adamantium until he met up with Apocalypse. So the writer’s may have a case. But I digress.

One has to wonder why they didn’t just have Stryker do it while he was almost-dead from the adamantium infusion. Sure, they used Stryker’s “erase his memory” comment as an excuse for Wolverine to wake up and go AWOL, but surely there are easier ways to write in an excuse for Wolverine to be angry than there are ways of having his memory erased. Especially if the best alternative they could come up with can’t even be readily accepted by any of us.

I’m pretty sure that James loses his memories either during or as a direct result of the Weapon X procedure in the comics. I’m also willing to bet that there was a certain degree of conditioning involved in the process, as the idea was to make Weapon X a WEAPON. The movie totally missed the point with that, deciding instead to use James a stepping stone between the presumed Weapon IX and the bastardised Deadpool that was Weapon XI.

I believe you’re right about the procedure being the cause of the memory loss in the comics. But back to the film. We’ve already spoken about Gambit’s unnecessary involvement in the movie, but there were a number of other cameos that caused me to wonder why they chose to do it. Firstly, Emma Frost. There are innumerable other mutants that could have served the entirety of her functions in the movie (those being to stop Cyclops getting shot and to be Silverfox’s motivation to free the kids). I can understand that the writers may have wanted to set up a Xavier/Emma meeting or whatever, but she didn’t really have to be in this film.

I liked the inclusion of Emma if for no other reason other than some very, very subtle ScottXEmma foreshadowing. Or maybe I made that up and it wasn’t actually present in the text. I did not like, however, that she was made Silverfox’s sister. I *also* didn’t like that they ignored her telepathy. Scott is aware of Xavier’s telepathy but Emma ISN’T. She’s the third strongest telepath in the Marvel Universe and she’s completely oblivious to Xavier? That better be bad writing and not the worse alternative.

(That being that the writers actively decided not to include her telepathy in her power set).

Hang on just a fucking minute. Silverfox is fucking Canadian. Making Emma Frost Silverfox’s sister makes Emma Frost fucking Canadian! I adamantly refuse to accept Emma Frost without her pretentious English upbringing and accent.

Don’t worry, the movie doesn’t explicitly say Silverfox is born in Canada. She could have moved there specifically for the reason of finding her sister.

Did Emma have any dialogue and, more importantly, did she have her accent?

Only a few words, and no.

So, they give Kurt his accent in X2. Halle Berry has an accent for like, one piece of dialogue then drops it. They drop Piotr’s accent in X2 and they drop Emma’s accent in this movie. Oh, AND Gambit. That’s one for five, with a possible case for Wolverine’s “Canadian” accent.

Clearly 20th Century Fox are racists.

Kurt’s accent does not count. It was awful.

Speaking of awful:

Deadpool. Or should I say, SOME-OTHER-GUY-WHO-ISN’T-DEADPOOL (fine, YOU come up with something better!)

Wade. Oh god Wade. None of us went into this expecting ‘Deadpool’ to be done right. It’d be virtually impossible with a character of his quirkiness to be conveyed outside of the comics. Yellow speech bubbles don’t work in films after all. But they didn’t even try. Admittedly, as plain old Wade Wilson at the beginning he was quite funny. But he wasn’t insane funny. And the twirling helicopter katana of bullet-destroying fury was nothing like Wade’s usual style of combat (where was his insulting people while deflecting their bullets?!). Then Weapon XI happened. Our beloved Deadpool became this:

And this is why I can never, ever, like this movie. It does to me exactly what X3 did to me and that was ruin so many of the characters that I adore. Scott Summers – Cyclops – is purely my favourite character in all of the comic book medium. One movie kills him off and then this movie just does him WRONG. You might think it’s a small thing but when I see Scott’s shoot LASERS / HEAT BEAMS from his eyes I get so angry. He’s supposed to shoot CONCUSSIVE BLASTS. That means the red stuff hits thing; it doesn’t burn things. But Scott was a very sidelined character in this film. If it was just that, I’d have been okay. But the movie doesn’t stop there! It messes with Deadpool, like Vyperchild said. I could be really obvious and complain about the mouth, but no: I’m going to complain about the fact that he is a MUTANT. It’s like, it’s like making Frodo an Elf instead of a Hobbit. Wade Wilson is a HUMAN BEING. HOMO SAPIEN. And then they messed with my Emma. Three strikes against this movie: I don’t like it.

That’s it from me! /woosh

This movie falls apart under critical analysis, just like X3. But so do other similar disasters like Spider-Man 3 and Transformers, and I can’t deny I still enjoyed watching them (or parts of them), and I can’t deny I didn’t enjoy Wolverine. In hindsight and in memory it gets worse and worse, riddled with flaws and poor writing and choices that make it, undeniably, a bad movie. But it’s definitely not the *worst* I’ve ever seen, and I’m sure there will be worse to come. God bless Hollywood!

I did enjoy this film. It was pleasing enough to the eyes, had decent action and a few nice moments. I will watch it again in a few months and I will have fun doing so. However, I didn’t like this film. It needlessly tampered with fan-favourite characters and the plot had more than it’s fair share of problems. Screwing with Deadpool is probably the biggest problem for me, everything else, although annoying, can more-or-less be dealt with. Luckily, Weapon XI is only a clone of Wade, so maybe a spin-off can redeem him. I sure hope so, I want some red and black spandex and hideous cancer skin. But then again, they could totally screw him over in some new ways. For now though, they screwed up. But somewhat enjoyably.

Actually, it never said anything of the sort, which leaves them more options to screw up on that movie. And to end the review on a relevant picture:

With Our Powers Combined

2009-04-16T20:53:00.007+10:00

Welcome to Unspeakable Evil. I’m Esoteric. But, because I’m sure no one is going to be able to track me down, rape me, cut me and steal all my stuff just because I’ve divulged my first name, you can call me Adam.

Long ago (yesterday) in a distant land (Australia), I, Forte, Shape Shifting Master of Darkness (Shape Shifting Master of Darkness) unleashed an Unspeakable Evil (this blog)! Oh and Esoteric and Vyperchild were there too. Now, prepare to have foisted on you our most opulent and delicious worldly (and wordy) opinions! tl;dr version: Hi!

Should we go to the effort of explaining that reference?

But that’s no fun!

I suppose not. I sorta wish we hadn’t sent Vyperchild into the future with our magic powers though. Because now we have to either wait until he finds a way back to the past, back to the past, back to the past (watch out!) or wait until we catch up with him as we travel linearly forward through time.

Behold! From the future, Vyperchild is returned, bringing with him a wealth of wondrous knowledge of science discovered by the mutant survivors of the 2051 nuclear war. Or maybe I'm just returned from an acid trip. Anyways, Hallo thar!

I feel the need to explain what just happened. I mean, what was just read may make very little sense to any reader who doesn’t know what happened. Should I do it or would one of you two like to?

What was just read? Funny assumption, that we have an audience. Har har har. But go ahead, if you so wish it.

Ya know what? A year from now – when all of our fangirls are reading this blog – the blog that started it all – just so that they can decide which one of us to get naked with and they all choose me – you’re going to feel like such an arsehole Forte.

But okay: I, the ever-so-attractive Adam with the ~~infallible~~ stupid wit and ~~gorgeous~~ stupid personality, will take it upon myself to explain just what we have going here.

I guess the most appropriate first point would be that, uhm, this is a blog. And it’s a blog run by three Administrators. Those three Administrators would be me, Forte Dante and Vyperchild. We all have our own personal blogs, all that little bit different from each other and all that little bit different from what we’ll be doing here, and we decided to create this blog so that we can write about certain shared interests. Things you can expect: uhm, I think we were talking about a blog about how pissed off we’ll inevitably be after seeing the upcoming Wolverine Movie.

I did say that I was going to explain what happened up there ^ a little bit. Basically, down here in Australia, we suffer world renowned shitty internet. Vyperchild suffers the worlds worst internet connection ever. I forget the exact circumstances, but they’re shit. So we started this blog post at what, 8:52PM? I’m writing this sentence right now at 10:56PM. There are a few reasons for that, but part of the reason is that we had to sorta wait for Vyperchild to catch up. Because of the shitty internet. So, uhm, this post will probably end up with very little of him in it. I just wanted to clarify that we weren’t actively cutting him out of this, our debut post.

ALL ADMINISTRATORS AT UNSPEAKABLE EVIL ARE EQUAL.